TOPSIE

This is a statement I heard several times before I started a relationship. Somewhere in my thinking when I was much younger, was a mindset that you should get married to someone who you meet when you’re “ready for the altar”, who you have only feelings for and who what you share with is purely physical. I had my fantasies and day dreamt of marrying a “man” who I was yet to meet and would meet “someday”.

I have known my husband as far back as when I was in JS 2, infact, we were friends. We were so close that we called each other by our second names. I knew his siblings and he knew mine. The thought of going out with him was not on my mind but we had a healthy friendship (there was mutual respect and trust). We exchanged books, cards, pictures, exchanged jokes, he helped me with difficult sums, we had common friends, met each other’s new friends, etc. When I look back at what we shared then, I feel it seems really hard these days to have a friend of the opposite sex as a teenager and keep things that way. So, when he asked me out, I was too shocked, i couldn’t accomodate the thought; I felt we were too close; we were too familiar with each other. I battled with these thoughts for a couple of months before I made up my mind.

I would say I appreciate the statement, “marry your friend” now that i’m married than ever before. Marriage devoid of friendship is naturally characterised by lack of effective communication and this gradually makes both parties prefer to be in the company of some other people. A man who’s got a dream or idea which is in its infant stage and doesn’t have a wife/friend who he can share his thoughts with, make suggestions, additions, cautions, etc won’t operate optimally and will have substandard achievements.

Friendship in marriage is also very meaningful when there’s no generational gap between the man and lady. How will a guy who is a University graduate flow very well regularly (for life) with a school cert holder? They won’t have common friends, no similar way(s) of thinking, it won’t be a watertight relationship. Even if there are any gaps, they should help each other close them up asap because someday, those gaps will become a gorge.

What are the things that characterize friendship that leads to marriage?

1) Same/very similar life long goals
2) Effective communication

3)  Mutual understanding

I dare say friendship is the most important thing in a marriage relationship. It’s what will keep the union for life.

Here’s a parting tip for the guys, ” If a lady does not believe in you when you have nothing, she’s not your wife.

Enjoy your weekend!