TOPSIE » Girl talk

Women’s Lesson Time!

Tope — Tue, 17 May 2011 15:42:14 +0000

It’s interesting how overtime, things our parents used to do or believe in seem outdated and out of fashion now. Their ideas seem archaic and ‘funny’. However, you would agree with me that certain values and principles they hold so dear still remain valuable and timeless. After i had an interesting experience with someone close to my parents’ age, i decided to share it with my readers and let me know where her ideas fall in the light of my thoughts.

I and a younger friend who got married not too long ago and is now expecting a baby were in the company of an older woman, known to both of us, recently. We got talking and she gave my friend some ‘advice’. In the course of the gist, a few things she said struck me and i thought to share it with you.

Over the years, she had developed some beliefs which she felt strongly about, understandably of course. The first one was that she told my friend to ensure that after childbirth, she breastfeeds for just 2-3months only. She told her not to follow the general idea of exclusive breastfeeding and then weaning the child after one year. Her reason? Breastfeeding shrinks the breasts badly. She went on to give her own personal experience about how she had almost ‘nothing left’ of her breast after she weaned her first born; and how she breastfed the second child for less than 3months and how that helped her retain what she has left at the moment. I wanted to respond to what she said with my own experience but she insisted she knew more than i did and that she’s over 50.

Now, to lesson no 2. She advised my friend to ensure that she moves out of the bedroom she currently shares with her husband. Her reason: staying together in the same room creates unnecessary familiarity which will not make her husband value her as he should. But when she stays in a separate room, and only comes to her husband’s room for the purpose of sex, there’ll be better value for each other.

I will state briefly, my perspectives as a result of knowledge and experience about the two points raised, but i’ll like to have yours. By the way, this woman is the wife of the Pastor of the largest church in a particular state. She told me she had written about these and several other points in a soon to be published and launched book. I shivered as i thought through the possible content of the book. I thought about the hundreds and thousands of marriages and homes that are hinged on all that kind of information and how they might be coping.

My advice to newly married people? The first is that not all couples that smile and appear fantastic have a good, healthy marriage. Also, that a person is your church pastor doesn’t mean you should do everything you’re told to do by him or her. Of course, my friend knew better and we talked about it and laughed over it after i had established that she was not carried away by the unsolicited advice.

Over to you people! Guys, would you prefer your wife slept in a different room and only came over to yours only when it’s copulation time? For the experienced mothers, does breastfeeding dry up the mammary glands? Let’s have your thoughts, so we can have more wholesome information and lessons going out to our married couples to be.

Ladies, if only you knew……

Tope — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 11:31:04 +0000

Thanks all for the responses you gave on my last article about sheep and shepherds (pastors and church members). I’ll like to, in this short article, address the ladies and not limit it to them and the Pastors alone.

Babes and sisters, do you know why that Pastor, that choir master, head usher, protocol guy, fine christian guy is able to violate you? It’s because you’re ignorant and don’t know better about a number of things. Let’s take a look at 7 of the things you don’t know:

1) You’re ignorant about your true value or worth. You have not for once, taken time to love and value yourself, spirit, soul and body. Not loving yourself is sin (God says love your neighbour AS YOURSELF). If you truly love and value yourself, YOU WILL KEEP YOURSELF!

2) You don’t know your origin: You’re made in God’s image, after His likeness, and so you’re an extension of God on earth. You’re not common; don’t be generous with your body!

3) You’re ignorant about what God’s word says about you. Many ladies don’t read or study; they just go through the motions in church/life and don’t seek understanding about God’s expectations of us. Ladies, don’t wait to be led! Read, take responsibility, take leadership, be knowledgeable, it gives confidence!

4) You don’t understand the fear of God. The bible says it’s the beginning of wisdom. If you do, you’ll strive to obey God to your own hurt.

5) You don’t understand God’s love. He says you’re the apple of His eyes. We break God’s heart when we make a joke of the love he showed that made him GIVE UP his only son for us, this we exhibit when we live like mere men, and not like people who have been bought with a price, the blood of the sinless son of God……amazing love, oh what sacrifice!

6) You don’t understand the law of sowing and reaping: Gen 8:22 says that “As long as the earth REMAINS, seedtime and harvest…..will not cease”. There’s a consequence for every action. Sow purity; reap a bountiful harvest of goodies.

7) You believe that the ultimate Christian is a Pastor, and forget that Jesus is our perfect example who we need to pattern our lives after.

I look forward to a generation of ladies who have a healthy self esteem, who will not sell their birthright for a mess of pottage; who understand God’s deposit in them and are waiting to explode; ladies who men respect and admire; ladies with sterling qualities and values that will take the upcoming generation to a higher quality of life…..of wholeness, virtue and chastity.

Toast to a great life…..juice for y’all!

All the single ladies in the house….

Tope — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 20:36:56 +0000

I started writing this article last week, then lost it; how painful! It’s taking a lot from me to have to put my thoughts together and write again, hoping this will be an opportunity to have a better article. This article is for or about the ladies….again! lol You know my heart goes out to you babes J

It goes without saying that there are almost ten times more than the number of “ready to marry” ladies than men. A guy told the over the weekend about a call that was made in church to pray for “ready but waiting singles”; 52 ladies came out to be prayed for, but there were just 2 guys! He was one of them. And not too long after, the pastor told him that 5 ladies had come to make enquiries about him to be sure that he was really available. This scenario is not strange.

I’ve noticed an interesting trend these days though..ladies who get into relationship early seem to long for the freedom and want to explore more of “life”. It’s an irony of life, the person that has, doesn’t value it much, and the person that doesn’t have, wants it so badly that she’ll cling any slight show of interest by a prospective husband. Take this example, and i’ve seen this play out a few times. A guy and a lady have been in a relationship since University days. By the time they graduate, they’ve already been going out for a little over 3yrs; it’s only logical that once at least one of them stabilizes after NYSC, they can get married; but that’s not the case these days. What we see these days is that ladies want to make a very loud statement….not sure what the statement is though. Ladies want to go for a masters (that will cost a few millions of naira), look for a job for some time, then work for 3-5yrs before they think of marriage. Most people with masters these days don’t even have an edge, so to me, it looks more like a waste of money most times. She told me that “how can i marry, just like that”? My people, what does that mean, pls?

I met a certain lady who’s already working and in a relationship who, when i asked her, said she’ll be getting married in 5yrs! I was shocked! Had to ask her what she was looking for. Meanwhile, she works with a multinational company. Am almost tempted to believe she wants to subtly let the guy know she’s no longer interested in the relationship. They have spent months trying to reach a compromise but she seems adamant on her “career goals”. Don’t get me wrong; am not saying one should not have goals and drive them passionately, am saying women need to know that men are not their competition. We’re different and need to behave as such. There are wiser ways to get what we want without being adamant, else we lose and have regrets.

I also met a lady who had worked for some time and wanted to travel out for her masters and after that, if she gets a job in the UK that she likes, she’ll take it. When i asked her if she and her fiance had discussed it, she said he wants to marry asap, but “he’s on his own” as she has plans and won’t want to be “caged” by marriage. A guy in another relationship told me he wants to settle down early because he doesn’t want to be tempted and distracted but focused and get many things done early. He said the lady simply waved his opinions off….they’ve been having series of discussions on this issue for close to a year!

Am i the only one that meets ladies in a relationship who take things for granted? Am i the only one that thinks that good guys ain’t that many? Am i the only one that thinks that people believe that marriage will take away their entire lives from them? Is that true? Who instituted marriage? If it was God, would he have designed it to the disadvantage of one of the two parties involved? What then was the idea of the power of synergy?

Ladies, what we won’t eat, let’s not sniff. If you won’t go all the way, call it quits when it’s early. A man who’s your husband for real, will give you room for expression, and he’ll also help you fine-tune your plans. If your desires are not outrightly selfish, a good spouse will support it and get involved; and if he’s not, tactically make him see reason and pray. But am definitely not in favour of ladies trying to prove a point head to head with their guys, it has never led to a good end. Don’t create a situation that’s a lose-lose. Why does that guy you believe is for you so badly wants to marry you? Of course, because he loves and sees you as a part of his life.

I’ve met many old single ladies who express regrets at how they wasted certain relationships. A word they say, is enough for the wise. Funny, i met a guy over the weekend who also regretted a relationship he took for granted. Let’s value who and what you have. We might never have it anymore, or never have it that good. Listen to the voice of reason. I wish you joy and fulfillment not only in your career, but maritally; because if you take a good look at it, if you’re having a ball and all is well at home/maritally, no boss or colleague can get at you, and even if they come close, you have waiting arms and listening ears at home to tell you that you’re the best.

Don’t pass over opportunities repeatedly. Don’t be driven by trends or desire to match up with it. You can eat your cake and have it, if you apply wisdom. If you need someone to talk to, am available. Send me a mail, topsiesuzie@gmail.com. Have a great day!

Eat in, Take away or Take Home?

Tope — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:55:03 +0000

On reading this topic, what comes to mind? Fast food, naturally…..the chicken & chips, the pizzas, burgers, rice n chicken and lots more. But today, we’ll be looking at things a little differently, in another context, the context of a spouse – a life partner, more specifically tilted towards the female gender. I think for perspective, i should just try and define each of the terms in my own special way.

Eat-In

When you walk into a fast food restaurant with a friend with a plan to stay, and down all your meal/snack/order while you’re there. While eating, some might fall on the table or floor, and the cleaner promptly sweeps and disposes off it. After eating, you may even use their convenience and “download” before leaving for wherever else is on your schedule for the day. Who knows? You could even leave the premises as close to hungry as when you came in and thoughts of the possibility of jamming that “suya man” on your street before he closes for the day might have started running through your mind.

The eat-in babe is an answer to an almost urgent, immediate need. Not much thought is given to “eating” her. She also honestly doesn’t mind a quickie, a fling, a person met at an event and things kick off on the high immediately, just maybe someday, one of those can become something serious. It’s a mindset that lives in the now; believes that good relationships/marriages are old fashioned and hardly exist. After the guy leaves the restaurant, she’s as good as forgotten; there’s little or no value.

Take away

Take a typical day when you’re running late for a meeting but very hungry; all you need to do is stop by a fast food restaurant, grab a bite with the plan to munch on the go. So, you probably finish it all up on the way, clean up, and if you’re a good citizen, wait till you get to your destination before you dispose of the waste. Then, you’re set and prepared for your meeting.

The take away babe gets into a relationship on the go. Her relationships change as the locations change, so some take weeks, some months. There seems to be a huge need for completeness per time; there’s a lot of focus on “me” in this case as well as a lot of talk about her “fantasy relationship” but no depth/content/long term thinking. There’s a craving to match up with societal expectations.

Take Home

Take a look at this scenario. It’s been a long day at work. You long for the peace and tranquility of your home, and having dinner whichever way you want it, in the privacy of your home and at your own pace. You can truly enjoy every bite without feeling self conscious or distracted by your environment. You’re not likely to waste the food if you can’t finish it; you can always refridgerate and microwave it later. The main point of the take home is that of true value, no wastage and no urgency and undue rush to get the food in and get things over with.

The take home babe is balanced and prepared – spiritually, emotionally, mentally for a long term relationship. This takes several years of self development, learning so as to have the right mindset to be a take home babe. That’s where many people wish to be but their actions don’t align. They want to eat or get eaten quickly, in case they don’t make it home.

How do you see yourself? Do you see sufficient value in yourself to warrant your waiting to be taken home? Is the idea just desirable or are you putting in the discipline required to make it happen? Are you an eat in, take away or take home babe?

My dear ladies, you deserve the best if you’ve invested in yourself to be the best and move with the kind of people you want to attract. Put yourself to use so that you can be useful, then valuable, then desirable. Home is where you belong, make it there, to the right home, the home, your own home. I look forward to seeing your wedding IVs!

SISTA SISTA…..

Tope — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:03:42 +0000

I took a little time off two weeks ago and it was quite refreshing. During the short vacation, the thought of writing this post came to my mind. It was probably fuelled by a movie i watched a while ago titled, “He’s not that into you”. Among other things that are noteworthy in the movie, i’ll basically focus on one: the movie showcased how the female folk outrightly evade the truth by constantly lie to themselves and each other. I am a woman, and i see it happen a lot around. Of course, not all women do it, but i think a good number, do.I’ll take a few hypothetical examples/scenarios to explain my point. Let’s take a look at dressing. A lady wears something that she feels really excited about, and it’s either clearly a fashion blunder or too revealing. But because she feels really cool about the attire (moreso, it’s in vogue) and her friends don’t want to hurt her, they concur that it’s really “cool”. It’s also not very common to find a lady who has made a mistake in a particular area open up enough to warn her friend who is about making the same mistake not to do so, especially in matters of love and relationship.

I’ll take another sensitive example/scenario. A lady who seems to have been having issues with relating well with people (probably snobbish, harsh/too blunt because of her temperament) is still unmarried at a relatively late age, and her friends do nothing for her by way of advice and caution when necessary; rather, they talk behind her, about how she has been “chasing away suitors/toasters” with her “repulsive personality”.

A number of ladies make relationship choices that will obviously do them more harm than good, and their best friends who can see this, say nothing in the name of not wanting to destroy a relationship. Even if she doesn’t heed your warning, it will be clear that you warned her ahead. I am not castigating the ladies. I’m just saying we will achieve more when we are more protective of each other by speaking out to help before it’s late. I know we are emotional. But seeing the truth and not saying it as it is, when it concerns people we love and making that timely, thinking we’re protecting them from hurt does far more harm than good . As friends, we need to take the risk of losing a friendship by saying and staying with the truth.
Sisters, friendship is about accountability and responsibility, else, what we’ll have is shallow and superficial friendship (acquitanceship). Have a nice week ahead, and remember, be your sister’s keeper!