The very thought of the genesis of this article brings some interesting memories to mind. Life in secondary school formed the crux of who i am today. I made some amazing relationships with people from all strata of society. Remarkable as well, was the fact that i developed a personal relationship with God when i was in JS 1. After that, i got heavily involved in fellowship and church activities. I was a full boarding house student, and functioned in several units in the school fellowship back then where i met several kinds of people, some of them were more carefree than others, who were a bit more rigid, some even got extreme. Just like expected in the fellowship, there was a lot of emphasis on putting our absolute trust and faith in God and not depend on our own understanding. Based on this teaching, there was a trend i noticed among the fellowship people in adherence to this teaching.

As far as academics was concerned, ardent fellowship brethren believed strongly that since they have the excellent mind and nature of God, it was impossible to fail. Some of them gave very little seriousness to their academics and performed way below their capabilities. I tried to balance things up, but it still affected me a bit as well. I came out with a good result, but i could have done better.

I went ahead to the University and discovered that it was slightly worse, because the average person had the freedom to do whatever he/she wanted to; no curfew by parents or guardians. So, people spent too much time in church/fellowship and even exceed necessary time there; some people functioned in several units and even boasted about it, quoting that when you get involved in God’s business, he will get involved in yours. Some eventually had an extra semester/session and that could have been avoided. This attitude carried on for a protracted period has made a number of Christians lazy…..mentally and in having no drive to work at something till it pulls through.

Many Christians are churned out of school and are totally unprepared for the market place. They’re out of touch with happenings in the corporate world as well as the business world, current affairs/politics, etc so they really have very little relevance in society. It’s worse when it’s guys that fall into this mould. It’s not funny when Christian guys have become mentally lazy and lack sufficient drive and will and staying power to ensure they succeed. That’s why some people see no need becoming christians; they are doing clearly better than most of them!

What i see missing is shifting responsibility to God instead of taking it. It’s very clear in the message translation of the bible which i’ve fallen in love with, that God expects man to take responsibility for everything he has created, but they, seeing God as sovereign and omnipotent, have believed that they need to make just a little effort and have maximum results. Guys, God is a hardworker. The earth we live in, and the quality of the entire creation confirms it; moreso, the quality of capacity he has put in mind to imagine a thing and make it happen. He is all powerful, but he has given man the opportunity to choose. He’s also a God of process; that’s why he created seed. The seed has the inbuilt capacity, in time, to become a forest with cultivation, weeding and nurturing. That’s the same way God expects us to function; to understand that there are no shortcuts or miracle breakthrough without a lot of hard work.

Many successful ladies, on discovering that their boyfriends are not taking their vocation/financial future opt out fast; and for ladies who feel their time is running out and so still go ahead with marriage, they eventually disrespect their husbands. I met an elderly woman who wanted to sell her almost 30year old business. She said anytime she had to travel out and left her husband to help manage the business, things always went down. He simply lacked the skills or discipline to make it work and she lamented that he was never interested in developing himself, i found it hard to ask her if he really does anything. Now, their children are in their twenties and she has worked all her life to keep the home up and doing. Now, she’s tired and wants to sell the business since all the children are out of school. I also noticed she doesn’t like talking about him….hmm

Ladies, please don’t marry a lazy guy; am not stating categorically that he must be rich. Money will however always flow in the direction of the person who offers value. Any guy who can’t be on his toes always will make you as a woman work so hard, and you’ll get tired with time.

Christian guys, don’t be lazy. Everything you need to succeed, you have. You simply need a lot of hardwork, not giving up, self belief, taking responsibility and leadership to be the man. Spend time to grow what you have. The supernatural is meant to give wings to the exceptional skills you have spent time and commitment to build. I once placed orders for some things from a business guy and he gave me a date for delivery. I had to call him twice for delivery. Up till now, he’s yet to deliver them. That was the second time that was going to happen. Afterwards, i heard someone say that he spends his weekdays in church prayer meetings; i wondered what he was looking for endlessly at prayer meetings when there was ready market for his products. Get your priorities right; God tells us clearly to mind our business; men will patronize us, not angels. I dare say even the church finds your presence more valuable when you’re financially independent and responsible

Have a workful and productive 2012!

2011. What a year! I made a commitment at the beginning of the year that i would write many more articles and post weekly; alas, i failed you! I got distracted by several things. I started writing articles several times and never got around to finishing them. I’m sorry. I am taking this time, barely one and half hours into the new year to share something with my readers; i know it will help some people put into perspective, a major subject like going into marriage in the new year.

Over a week ago, i was in an event where a young lady was asked what she wanted in a guy she would get married to. Amongst other things, she said she wanted an affluent guy. I had blurted out before i caught myself. I said my hubby now was everything but rich.

After the event, i looked back at where i was coming from. When i was in school, i had a group of friends and most of us were in serious relationships in our penultimate to final year.  I constantly felt odd then because i was the only one who was in a serious relationship with a “fellow student”.  He was certainly not from a comfortable home but always thought big and took risks. He was driven. By the time he was out of University, he had done several businesses. Infact, i remember then being given money as a gift by my parents to buy a car on graduation, he persuaded me that we could do business with it and not buy a liability. I believed him, and we went ahead; even though am not sure if the business went well. We sure had some others that went well. My parents constantly asked about the car they gave me money for, i told them it wasn’t enough to buy the car i wanted and i had invested it. My sisters cruised around with their cars.

Today, i look back and wonder what would’ve happened if i threw him away because he was not yet stable or ready. Some of the rich guys my colleagues dated then had some really rough times in business, and lost a lot of money, some of their businesses crashed, one or two were implicated at work and lost their jobs. That was a reality check for me. Some of those guys are just finding their feet after several years. In my relationship, we have been through several phases, but we never started big, grown together, i have learnt to abase and abound. I can survive under any condition; and God has favoured me and us.

Please get me right. I’m not saying jump on any guy purely based on hope simply because your goal says 2012 is your marital year. If the guy hanging around you is lazy or laid back, run! If hoping is the only thing he’s doing, run from him as well. Some ladies are in relationships for years and the guy has not been able to give anything to the lady, nothing at all; run o! If things don’t change, howbeit gradually for the guy in years, waka! Else, you’ll need to be prepared to fend for him all through your married life. Things must not always be one sided. If the guy has friends whose lifestyles or dreams are not motivating, run!

I sincerely pray for the best for you in 2012, and encourage you to get counsel when you’re confused. Every human being has the power of choice. Choose wisely; understanding that we can’t afford to judge a person by the present alone; certain attributes and association will tell you the person who is going somewhere. Is he rich today? Was that the main attraction? It may not always be so for him; can you stay with him if things change for bad? Can he bounce back legitimately if things go bad?  Think deeply, then act.

See more of me in 2012!

I love the message translation of the bible. I stumbled on this passage two days ago and decided to publish it for everyone to see. I always wonder what Jesus would’ve done to the church as it is today, if these were those days…..the people he would be rolling with, the things he would outrightly condemn and “born again christians” would be against him for….i wonder, just wonder! Can you read the article below with an open, simple English Language mind? You’ll be amazed what Jesus stood for and what he outrightly condemned; it doesn’t matter your religion abeg, read on! I’ll highlight a few statement for emphasis. I’ll like to have your thoughts after this.

“The religion scholars and Pharisees are competent teachers in God’s Law. You won’t go wrong in following their teachings on Moses. But be careful about following them. They talk a good line, but they don’t live it. They don’t take it into their hearts and live it out in their behavior. It’s all spit-and-polish veneer.

^4-7“Instead of giving you God’s Law as food and drink by which you can banquet on God, they package it in bundles of rules, loading you down like pack animals. They seem to take pleasure in watching you stagger under these loads, and wouldn’t think of lifting a finger to help. Their lives are perpetual fashion shows, embroidered prayer shawls one day and flowery prayers the next. They love to sit at the head table at church dinners, basking in the most prominent positions, preening in the radiance of public flattery, receiving honorary degrees, and getting called ‘Doctor’ and ‘Reverend.’

^8-10“Don’t let people do that to you, put you on a pedestal like that. You all have a single Teacher, and you are all classmates. Don’t set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do. Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do. No one else should carry the title of ‘Father’; you have only one Father, and he’s in heaven. And don’t let people maneuver you into taking charge of them. There is only one Life-Leader for you and them—Christ.

^11-12“Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.

Frauds!

¹³“I’ve had it with you! You’re hopeless, you religion scholars, you Pharisees! Frauds! Your lives are roadblocks to God’s kingdom. You refuse to enter, and won’t let anyone else in either.

¹⁵“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You go halfway around the world to make a convert, but once you get him you make him into a replica of yourselves, double-damned.

^16-22“You’re hopeless! What arrogant stupidity! You say, ‘If someone makes a promise with his fingers crossed, that’s nothing; but if he swears with his hand on the Bible, that’s serious.’ What ignorance! Does the leather on the Bible carry more weight than the skin on your hands? And what about this piece of trivia: ‘If you shake hands on a promise, that’s nothing; but if you raise your hand that God is your witness, that’s serious’? What ridiculous hairsplitting! What difference does it make whether you shake hands or raise hands? A promise is a promise. What difference does it make if you make your promise inside or outside a house of worship? A promise is a promise. God is present, watching and holding you to account regardless.

^23-24“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God’s Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment—the absolute basics!—you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that’s wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

^25-26“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.

^27-28“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You’re like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it’s all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you’re saints, but beneath the skin you’re total frauds.

^29-32“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You build granite tombs for your prophets and marble monuments for your saints. And you say that if you had lived in the days of your ancestors, no blood would have been on your hands. You protest too much! You’re cut from the same cloth as those murderers, and daily add to the death count.

^33-34“Snakes! Reptilian sneaks! Do you think you can worm your way out of this? Never have to pay the piper? It’s on account of people like you that I send prophets and wise guides and scholars generation after generation—and generation after generation you treat them like dirt, greeting them with lynch mobs, hounding them with abuse.

^35-36“You can’t squirm out of this: Every drop of righteous blood ever spilled on this earth, beginning with the blood of that good man Abel right down to the blood of Zechariah, Barachiah’s son, whom you murdered at his prayers, is on your head. All this, I’m telling you, is coming down on you, on your generation.

^37-39“Jerusalem! Jerusalem! Murderer of prophets! Killer of the ones who brought you God’s news! How often I’ve ached to embrace your children, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you wouldn’t let me. And now you’re so desolate, nothing but a ghost town. What is there left to say? Only this: I’m out of here soon. The next time you see me you’ll say, ‘Oh, God has blessed him! He’s come, bringing God’s rule!’”

May God’s kingdom come and His will be done on this earth!

I’ve met a number of couples who started their marriages with all the love in the world. They had big dreams and plans to make them happen. Impossible was nothing; everything was in place in their home and the future looked picture perfect.But along the line, each party had to make defining decisions; career change decisions, entrepreneural/business decisions, etc. Those decisions then turned out to cost more than was bargained for because they were not done properly at all. Let’s take a look at a particular scenario.

Couple X started their marriage with both of them in the corporate world – good jobs and a very promising career path; until the husband decided to fire his boss. He believed he was better of being his own boss, having his own thing, having control of time and so on. Shortly after his decision, he submits his resignation letter and it was only afterwards that he decided to “inform” his wife about his decision!The wife felt hurt and betrayed and did not hide how she felt. But he only viewed her as an enemy of progress. He withdrew to himself and threw himself into his business. He worked long and hard. He never spoke in detail to her about his business, had business meetings without her presence within the vicinity. He virtually shut her out. Today, which is about 2years after he resigned his job and started business, he has almost nothing to show for it; the business is not doing well and he’s almost always broke. Today, his wife mocks him and makes derogatory statements about him. She has lost every sense of respect for him. Today, they don’t do most things together because the wife doesn’t feel a “part of him and his life”. She has grown so independent within the marriage as well that she’s planning a vacation by herself, for herself, without his knowledge!

This type of action by the man gets one thinking of possibilities of ways the man thinks. Is it that he doesn’t value the wife or he wants to be, and stay independent within his marriage? Could he have avoided all these ripple effects of his actions or are they fall outs of a fundamental personal problem? Do i sense some insecurity, some esteem problem?

Some guys that read this might say he went too far by hiding such important information from his wife until after the act. But i guess these things have a way of starting small until things get aggravated.Let’s have your thoughts people, especially suggestions on how things can get back to where, or maybe close to how they were when their love first begun.

It’s interesting that after a long break, I’ll have to write on a topic that’s the flip side of my last article. What actually prompted the writing of this article is also very interesting. While i was in the university, i belonged to a clique of lovely focused ladies. We all met in school but had connecting points that brought us together….we were all in the same department and class and shared common values and principles. That made it easy for us to read and have discussions together, pray together and have loads of fun. Did i mention that we started out being 6 in number? After a while, we became eight. After graduation, everybody went their separate ways, career, marriage, etc. There was one of us who inspired me to write this article. She was the youngest, and arguably brightest among us. Everyone knew she was likely to go into research or academics and she never argued against it. But of course, things changed…this was 9yrs ago.

A few days ago, she buzzed me online from the UK where she’s doing a masters degree to ask me a “serious” question. Let me update you on what she did after school. After we graduated, she took up a job with a multinational company for about 4yrs after which she fired her boss and decided to have her own business. She did that for about another 3yrs and the business was doing well but she was tired. She wanted a change. A career switch, an opportunity to make a statement. Hence, the decision to go for a foreign masters in another field. Infact, she sold her naija business to make up the money. By the way, along the line, she got married and currently has 2 beautiful children who are back at home with her parents. Am guessing that she had gotten to a point in her masters where she questioned her decision; she probably might feel like dropping the course and going home to her children. Her question to me was simple, “Can a woman have it all? – A beautiful marriage, godly children, a healthy relationship with God, a great career, success in business….

I immediately understood how she must have felt before she buzzed me – possibly a feeling that she was missing something, or a nagging lack of satisfaction. She had left the people who mattered most to her, traveled thousands of miles to pursue a masters, and now mid way she’s wondering if her decision was the best one and if it was, and would be worth it.

Here’s another side of the coin. I go to my children’s school regularly to pick them, and many times i see mothers already waiting for their children in the car/pavilion. Some of those women look so tired and are just going through the daily routine. It looks like an unending “chore” and they seem to have lost their “personal lives”. Everything that grows and ultimately becomes the envy of everyone takes time and a conscious presence and working at it to be so – a mega business, a great marriage, exceptional kids, etc. Unfortunately, no matter our strong arguments and justification, we can hardly eat our cake and have it; hence, the need to prioritize and decide what’s most important to us. This will help us not feel too bad when the lower priorities don’t yield “great” results. Our priorities will of course, be based on our values.

By design, women are meant to be able to grow and nurture, babies and ideas inclusive. Hence, am not averse to women in business, career or politics, but, once they take a whole lot of our time while our marriages or children are young, we lose a vital part of those relationships.

I am naturally tempted to set my own priorities and share my thoughts on whether a woman can have it all. But i’ll like to have your sincere thoughts, especially today when the world is moving so fast that you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot if you’re not informed. Guys, i want your thoughts. Can a woman have it all?

Last week, i was having a chat with a guy who’s been married for a few years. He works on the island and lives on the mainland (meaning he spends most of his active time at work) and our “gist” centered around the implication(s) of friendships with single ladies at the same workplace. He seemed to have his own strong opinion backed by his stance on having undue closeness with those ladies.

As we gisted on, i remembered a true story i heard recently. This time, the lady was the married one. She worked in the same company with this charming, nice gentleman who just treated ladies right. They got to meet closely during a project they worked on together. After the project, they still made out time to be together. They went for lunch together, then dinners, when they had deadlines to meet and were working late or when they just wanted to be together. This went on for two years!

Two years later, her conscience couldn’t handle it. It goes without saying that she saw her husband as not knowing how to treat her right. She had become very irritable, then restless. She had to decide one day to have a chat with her husband about the “state of their marriage”.” Then she proceeded to go on a personal retreat out of town. She tried to hide the guilt and her husband made her see reason that facing their challenges together was what held the solution to a rocky marriage. She said nothing to him about the guy in the office.

She took a few days’ leave and travelled to her parents’ home under the guise that her doctor told her to observe strict bed rest for a few days. She was going to use that opportunity to think with a clear head on what her next steps would be. She arrived at her parents’ place on a wednesday afternoon. Even though she had told her mum she would come around, both parents were surprised to see her. She gave the same reason as the one she gave when she called them earlier on the phone. Her mum didn’t appear very convinced, but expressed joy in having her around all the same. She asked her several times within 1 hour how her husband was, how her marriage was doing, and so on. She changed the topic most times as she battled within her mind exactly what her plan was.

She moved into the room that had been prepared for her and laid on the bed, lost in thoughts. She thought about the
times she had with the guy in her office. They had at some point, started making secret plans for their future. He was in a sort of serious relationship, but he had said it before, that they had a chemistry that was simply “different”. He was ready to quit the relationship– for her. But she knew that plan was not as “neat” as it sounded back then. She was troubled; about the possibility of losing either the relationship or her marriage. She thought about her husband. Sincerely, he was a wonderful person, a loving, patient and understanding husband. But he didn’t seem to “trip” her anymore. He had become “ordinary”, nothing special.

She thought about her parents, especially her mother had a strong connection with God that made her nervous sometimes, and she became suddenly afraid that she would “know” there was something wrong. Since they lived in a
different state, she had been able to keep her secret… for awhile.

The next day after she arrived at her parents’ place, her mother came into her room to have a chat with her. She asked, “Honey, are you all right?” “Sure Mom, I’m fine,” she lied. “I don’t think you are. I think you’re in some sort of trouble because last night, I woke up and felt compelled to pray for you. I want you to talk to me.” I am in trouble now, she thought. How will I be able to conceal what’s on my mind from her?”

“Tell me everything.” She took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and said, “I purposely moved out of the house for a while, because i’ve been having a great deal of struggle inside of me; am having emotional issues, i’ve even thought about divorce recently.” There was a long silence. Then her mom said, “We love you. And because we love you, we will tell you what’s best for you. Marriage is a holy bond. Has he committed adultery? Has he ever hit you?” “No”, she replied. Then she went ahead to counsel her according to the bible about the sacredness of the marriage institution and how to deal with her emotions.

After the time with her mum, she felt lighter within and felt ready to handle the issues confronting her. She had to make a big decision, she decided to quit her job. She felt making a clean break would help her make a fresh start. She thought about what reason she would give her husband for deciding to quit. She was too ashamed to face her husband and tell her all that had happened. She had treated him unfairly. She didn’t want him hurt further. She thought long and hard…..

What would you tell her at this time? Is the idea of quitting a good move? Should she change her ways and not necessarily tell her husband? What would you advise her to do or not to do? Let’s keep our thoughts rolling in, and see if she’ll find what she needs/wants in your suggestions.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

There’s this experience i had always wanted to share with my readers. While growing up, especially as a teenager, i had a few experiences that were not too good, especially involving misunderstanding caused by divergent views i had with my parents, especially my mum about different issues. I had some times when we disagreed so strongly that i made some foolish resolves, one of which was a decision to rarely come home as soon as i gained independence (that was to be from University onwards). I felt they were just not being reasonable. Did you ever feel that way? Do i have a witness in the house?

My mind went to all these when a while ago, i got chatting with a young guy in the prime of his teenage years. We really got along well as i shared my experiences and he shared his, and we compared notes. It was fun. Then, after a while, he started to tell me some pains and hurts he’s had while growing up. He told me a number of hurtful things that his parents had said to him as long as almost 10years ago. He mentioned awards he received that his parents didn’t show up for; he lamented that he believed that strangers valued him more than his parents do. Financially, he seems well taken care of; he attends one of the best schools around, goes on vacation and is ok, but he felt he needed his parents more than what he was getting from them.

I sat there and wondered how people misplace priorities, how we run around for money to give our children the best and leave out what really matters to them. What we leave with these children after they’re grown are the memories of times that we share with them. My current status message on facebook is about a song my dad taught me while growing up which i had also taught my children and they were singing it all over the house. The feeling is one that money cannot buy.

For the past few days, I’ve been school-hunting, trying to change school for my children; and i discovered how easily we can judge our responsibility to them by how much we spend on them. I made up my mind to be there for them as much as possible, instill values into them, and to “create” fun, unforgettable memories that will outlive me for them and i know this decision will cost me all conveniences. It’s easy to let things slip by, but I’ll ensure that first things come first.

Have a good day everyone!

A few weeks ago, i overheard a neighbor of mine talking with my hubby outside the house when he went to pick something from the car. Their discussion seemed to have lingered for so long that i wondered if he remembered that we were running late for service; after some time i had to go out dressed to say hi to the neighbor so my hubby could see he was the one delaying us; and sure, he got the message

We got talking afterwards and i wondered what kept the man’s voice up and made him talk so passionately and he said the guy said he had since stopped going to church because many “men of God” were living false lives. He said he had run into some of them with their secretaries or some lady in hotels and so on; he spoke about misappropriation of funds, the fact that some members were practicing idolatry because they accorded too much awe to their pastors who wielded/had too much control over them, etc. He therefore said he decided not to go to church anymore, but to always practice the principle of always being thankful to God.

Do you know what struck me most about what this man said? It’s not so much different from what many Christians say as well. Many people are critical. It’s not necessarily because they’re sinless/faultless, but because of the need to justify their inadequacies in the face of a worse person’s issues. Such a man had no business being critical/judgmental; what if the man of God he saw at the hotel came for a meeting in the hotel lobby and not what he thought? What if it was what he thought? What if those men of God were fake? Same for Christians; we need to look at Jesus’ approach to sinners, he addressed the sin but showed compassion. It’s tough, but it’s the life we’ve been called to live. We grow as Christians when we see ourselves as work in progress and correct people in love. Of course, there are times when you need to go the hard way on some. But our motivation should be love, not nosing around for people’s faults and criticizing them. Jesus showed us by example; these same things were the things the Pharisees, who knew the bible, did by default, criticize! And we all do it, in different measures.

I once heard about a Muslim guy who got saved and started attending a church only for him to one day, find the pastor of the church on top of his fiancée! That same day, he renounced Christ and went back to the mosque…hmm. That was a very sad story. Does it change God’s standards? He’ll need to have a chat with God about that when the time comes. Does the wrongdoing of the Christian leader license us to misbehave? We’ll stand one by one with God, and he’ll deal with us individually based on the level/degree of our walk with him vs what we made out of it as regards the quality of life we lived.

Can we be less critical on others and work on becoming better? Can we seize from giving excuses of other people’s issues as the reason why we’re not at our best? Are we qualified to throw the first stone? Are we qualified to judge?

Yesterday night, i watched a movie titled “Not easily broken” with the lead Actor being Morris Chestnut; and of course, as you rightly guessed from the title, it was about marriage and its possible attendant issues.

I understand that marriage undergoes different phases with some phases having higher possibilities of causing more strain than others. For example, many are not well informed about the several demands of marriage – career, parenthood, especially motherhood and so, marriage suffers seriously. The couple in this movie had issues adjusting to demands of building a business, career, starting a family, finance, and they soon began to drift apart until another lady came into the picture. Fortunately, they got counsel and a strong reminder about the place of God as the third string in the cord of their marriage, before the guy’s relationship with the other lady made much progress; so they were able to make things work again.

Why do men have affairs? why are they drawn by women outside and have flings? It’s not because they don’t love their wives more then any human in the world or because they don’t value the committment they made on their wedding day in the presence of many people. I’ve discovered from experience, that for a man, his wife doesn’t always feel like the “missing rib”, or God’s greatest gift to him. And it’s in those “vulnerable” times that the most logical thing seems to be, for him to get the love somewhere else, moreso, these days, there are too many single women with “so much love to give”. EXCEPT there’s a stronger, more compelling force within a man that makes him resist the pull of infidelity, he will ultimately slip and fall.

I know, and i’ve heard that the percentage of men that stay faithful to their wives in marriage is so low that you wonder if those men are “real men”. But the truth is that before one can stand clean, one needs to have submitted himself to God and the whole lifestyle involved in walking with God. The case of, “If you don’t stand for something, you fall for anything” is so real in the case of fidelity in marriage. A strong reason why some men don’t engage extramarital affairs is because the fear of God is REAL enough to them that it drives their actions and lifestyles.

I know that one doesn’t always feel head over heels in love with his wife; but men have been instructed by God to love their wives and not defile the marriage bed. He showed us by example that he loves us with an everlasting love; and that he will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. He swore by his name that he’ll be with us. He expects us to decide and commit ourselves either to walk with him FULLY or otherwise. Adultery is clear enough as a NO NO to God, and we need to understand and engage God’s power to fight sin, even with our lives.

So men, let’s be real men. It’s not about what is popular today, it’s about reminding ourselves that God’s standards have not changed; it’s also knowing that God’s presence as the third party is there to take hold with us, against the challenges and wiles of the enemy. We will succeed!

It’s indeed been a while. I can’t begin to state the things that have been my major preoccupation of late, but in all, God has given me grace and capacity to handle them all. Today, i’ll talk to the ladies, because i’ve come to discover that they’re the more influential gender than the men, right?For the average girl, marriage looks like the next logical thing after graduation, youth service, a few yrs of working, a masters program (for the very career oriented ones); hence, there’s no proper understanding of this subject of marriage and so, no conscious preparation is made for this new phase of life. Ladies expect that once the basic things are in place for the guy – love for God, vision, values, blah blah blah, “things will just flow” and so, when things don’t “just flow”, they begin to wonder what went wrong.

A while ago, i was speaking with a lady who was engaged to be married, and she had read so many books, she was so informed, i was tripped! Before i got married, i did my own fair share of reading as well, but everything seemed to have disappeared when i got married….lol. Then i decided to start reading again. But then, i thought of this one thing, that i was married to one man and all i needed to do was to understand that one man and make the relationship between the both of us fantastic. Books help, but the decision to understand and be able to manage your spouse is by far more important. I started asking my husband questions i wanted to clarify, and we communicated about every single thing, and the bond between the both of us became stronger. I had to remind myself that this marriage was between the two of us and for it to be excellent, our lives had to be poured into each other; we had to each “leave our comfort zone and go the extra mile for each other”. I hear people say, “i can’t do that for him/her”, says who? If not him/her, then who?

Is it possible to hold on to some of the things that you believed “that’s how i am” and have a successful marriage? I’ll say an emphatic NO. A lady asked me, “will that not be pretending to be who i am not?”. I asked her “who are you?” The current “YOU” is a product of experiences over the years, and this current “YOU” is still work in progress and if the things that you need to do to have a healthy happy home don’t clash with your faith and values, then NIKE! Just do it! You’ve got at least 30years to practice these new things that will add spice and flavour to your marriage and life, and am sure after a few years, those things would’ve been a part of you.

I didn’t know MANY things when i newly got married, but one thing that helped was the fact that i listened, asked questions, and was willing to learn. As a woman, if you listen more than you speak, you stand the chance of a good marriage.

Some women might be quick to say am being unfair, and that it’s not purely a man’s world. I like to be true to myself. Show me a woman who fights with her husband for independence and a voice in her home, and i’ll show you one with a near broken down home. I’ll also say as i round up emphatically that it’s not a sin to remain single. If you can’t cope with the demands and sacrifices that come with being married, then by all means, enjoy your freedom as a single; afterall, God will not penalize us for not being married when we die. This article is simply for people who truly desire a fantastic marriage and i’ll encourage you to give it your best shot, prepare to go into marriage with an “open, ready to give and learn” mind. Your home will create the environment where those lofty goals will either blossom or be snuffed out. You owe it to yourself to be prepared for it, because when you do, you can have the world at your feet!

Have a great week!