Last week, i was having a chat with a guy who’s been married for a few years. He works on the island and lives on the mainland (meaning he spends most of his active time at work) and our “gist” centered around the implication(s) of friendships with single ladies at the same workplace. He seemed to have his own strong opinion backed by his stance on having undue closeness with those ladies.

As we gisted on, i remembered a true story i heard recently. This time, the lady was the married one. She worked in the same company with this charming, nice gentleman who just treated ladies right. They got to meet closely during a project they worked on together. After the project, they still made out time to be together. They went for lunch together, then dinners, when they had deadlines to meet and were working late or when they just wanted to be together. This went on for two years!

Two years later, her conscience couldn’t handle it. It goes without saying that she saw her husband as not knowing how to treat her right. She had become very irritable, then restless. She had to decide one day to have a chat with her husband about the “state of their marriage”.” Then she proceeded to go on a personal retreat out of town. She tried to hide the guilt and her husband made her see reason that facing their challenges together was what held the solution to a rocky marriage. She said nothing to him about the guy in the office.

She took a few days’ leave and travelled to her parents’ home under the guise that her doctor told her to observe strict bed rest for a few days. She was going to use that opportunity to think with a clear head on what her next steps would be. She arrived at her parents’ place on a wednesday afternoon. Even though she had told her mum she would come around, both parents were surprised to see her. She gave the same reason as the one she gave when she called them earlier on the phone. Her mum didn’t appear very convinced, but expressed joy in having her around all the same. She asked her several times within 1 hour how her husband was, how her marriage was doing, and so on. She changed the topic most times as she battled within her mind exactly what her plan was.

She moved into the room that had been prepared for her and laid on the bed, lost in thoughts. She thought about the
times she had with the guy in her office. They had at some point, started making secret plans for their future. He was in a sort of serious relationship, but he had said it before, that they had a chemistry that was simply “different”. He was ready to quit the relationship– for her. But she knew that plan was not as “neat” as it sounded back then. She was troubled; about the possibility of losing either the relationship or her marriage. She thought about her husband. Sincerely, he was a wonderful person, a loving, patient and understanding husband. But he didn’t seem to “trip” her anymore. He had become “ordinary”, nothing special.

She thought about her parents, especially her mother had a strong connection with God that made her nervous sometimes, and she became suddenly afraid that she would “know” there was something wrong. Since they lived in a
different state, she had been able to keep her secret… for awhile.

The next day after she arrived at her parents’ place, her mother came into her room to have a chat with her. She asked, “Honey, are you all right?” “Sure Mom, I’m fine,” she lied. “I don’t think you are. I think you’re in some sort of trouble because last night, I woke up and felt compelled to pray for you. I want you to talk to me.” I am in trouble now, she thought. How will I be able to conceal what’s on my mind from her?”

“Tell me everything.” She took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and said, “I purposely moved out of the house for a while, because i’ve been having a great deal of struggle inside of me; am having emotional issues, i’ve even thought about divorce recently.” There was a long silence. Then her mom said, “We love you. And because we love you, we will tell you what’s best for you. Marriage is a holy bond. Has he committed adultery? Has he ever hit you?” “No”, she replied. Then she went ahead to counsel her according to the bible about the sacredness of the marriage institution and how to deal with her emotions.

After the time with her mum, she felt lighter within and felt ready to handle the issues confronting her. She had to make a big decision, she decided to quit her job. She felt making a clean break would help her make a fresh start. She thought about what reason she would give her husband for deciding to quit. She was too ashamed to face her husband and tell her all that had happened. She had treated him unfairly. She didn’t want him hurt further. She thought long and hard…..

What would you tell her at this time? Is the idea of quitting a good move? Should she change her ways and not necessarily tell her husband? What would you advise her to do or not to do? Let’s keep our thoughts rolling in, and see if she’ll find what she needs/wants in your suggestions.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

It’s been a long while i posted an article. Today, we’ll be talking to the unmarried guys and ladies and addressing practical ways we can abstain from sex till the day we say, “I DO”. I’m sure someone will find this really useful. Here are a few tips from me to you:

1. Understand the Reality of Your Sexual Desires

Sexual desires are not simply a matter of willpower or denial of their existence. This first statement reminds me of a young guy who was struggling with mastering his sexual desires; we spoke at length one day when he confided in me. He had done all sorts of things to silence the craving. He had locked himself up for days so he wouldn’t see women, he had done all sorts to “keep himself in check” but those things seemed to exaggerate the desires. Sexual desires are inbuilt parts of our genetic makeup, and they will always be there. The worst thing you can do is deny their existence or feel ashamed of them. Acknowledge them, accept their presence and calmly and rationally remind yourself that you have made an important decision to abstain from them. Accepting your desires as a part of human nature can go a long way towards helping you to control them.

2. Avoid Arousing Situations

While you may need to accept your sexual desires, there’s no need to arouse them unnecessarily. Keep away from places where you might be tempted. Avoid pornography or movies that feature arousing imagery. Stay away from scantily clad photos of famous people you are attracted to, and watch out for commercials or advertisements–companies love to sell things with sex. If you’re seeing someone, refrain from spending the night together (even if you don’t intend to have sex) or being too physically close to him. It might pay to establish a code word or phrase to let your partner know that you’re becoming aroused and that any physical activity you are engaged in should stop right away.

3. Spend Time Around Children

Children are simply adorable, but they can be a handful. If you feel that your desires are getting the better of you, arrange to spend some time around them. Babysit for a sister or aunt or relative, or just watch kids interact with their parents in a public place. It will help remind you of what a huge responsibility they are and that abstaining is the best way to keep from having any until you are ready

4. Associate With People Who Respect Your Decision

Generally, this means associating with friends who have the same principles or share your religious faith, but it doesn’t have to. It simply means being around people–especially those you date–who respect the choice you have made and who will not push your boundaries in any way. Friends who tell you not to worry about it or try to persuade you to have sex should be avoided, at least until they can honestly respect your wishes.

5. Abstain from sex because that is what you would want your younger brother/sister to do.

Just cast your mind back at your younger sister/brother; the one you love so much and desire that she succeeds all round; picture her with an unwanted pregnancy, or with an STD; am sure you cringe at the very thought of that. Fight to keep yourself, not only for you, but for people who look up to you. They’ll naturally do worse than what you did.

6. Let’s talk about sex!

Sex is believed to be dirty and a No No in the discussion of the morally sound person, most especially the unmarried; so young people think about it, watch it, read about it, but hardly talk about it, so there’s pressure to experiment what was learnt theoretically.

Talking about sex with the unmarried dymystifies it, puts it in proper, healthy perspective and creates an accountability, open forum for them to talk about their hormonal haywires and challenges.
Just don’t have sex with anyone until you get married. Plan on it. Decide it. Choose it. And then don’t change your mind, and don’t let anyone else. You can make this choice anytime, even if you’ve already had sex. Yeah, you read  me right!

Abstinence is still in vogue; it’s absolutely noble and honourable too; and it’s worth every second of waiting for it. Have a fantastic weekend!

A few weeks ago, i was at a talk show, and i featured as a relationship coach. The topic was “love across the ocean, how practical is it?” I sat down among the panelists as questions were thrown at each of us one after the other. As we proceeded, i was asked a question which i found very unclear; and this is because the concept of relationship and marriage were used interchangeably. I wondered why the mix up, as i was quick to make a clarification.

There appears to be increasingly, a grey line between people that are married and two people who have a relationship and plan to marry, live together and are generally checking each other out.

Marriage seems to be losing its sacredness. It’s gradually becoming a thing of convenience. The difference is beginning to be the change of name for the woman and the wedding bands that each party wears around which can pass as a status symbol anyway Marriage is sacred and God’s idea; and he NEVER said it was compulsory. So, count the cost, know that it’s not over when you’re tired and need to do your own thing.

When a thing begins to lose its value and therefore our perception of it, we begin to take it for granted and therefore, abuse it. I can remember i was asked a question; “if two married people live apart for an upward of 5years and don’t see each other for that whole period, will they still be regarded as being married?”. I think that question is subject to different answers depending on how much value we place on, or our perception of marriage as an institution. How can a marriage ever be healthy if the couple live apart for so long? How? Am definitely never an advocate for couples being apart for more than 2wks; maybe am an extremist, but there’s no point….Marriage is for synergy, companionship, sexual intimacy, communication, and more, so how can it be achieved when the parties are apart?

During the show, there was a man who had his whole family who had been living apart from him for 20yrs! He said he used to travel to see them every 3wks, then it increased to every 4wks, then 6wks, now he relies on facebook, yahoomail and co to stay in touch and sends money to them and now travels every quarter. Marriage has an ideal template; God intends that the couple live TOGETHER, even with civilization or technology, things can’t really be the same. I know that it’s tough, especially when both parties are career people in different locations and need to make ends meet; but for how long and at the expense of who or what? We can cut our coat according to our cloth o; at least there was a time i and my hubby plunged into full time business with no back ups (i won’t advise anyone to do what we did, but if we could survive with none of us on salary, how much more when one person is? We made it through those times and today, 4yrs later, the story has certainly changed.

God’s design for marriage was to achieve fruitfulness, multiplication, expansion, and more. So if you and your spouse live apart, set a deadline for coming together; drop that job if that’s what it takes; you’ll be amazed at enormous opportunities that exist outside your job. It’s critical. You’ll be better united to achieve more ultimately
if you put your hearts and minds into it.

Having a fantastic life in marriage is in your hands…have a great week!

I thought seriously as i read the story of this very young couple. It seems to be appearing commonplace to find this kind of scenarios in today’s world. Marriage seems not to be sacred anymore, but a function of convenience or the lack of it.

This couple had been married for about a year and they were already seperated. Their seperation seemed so inreconciliable as there were no meetings or communications to make this happen. The marriage was blessed with a son.

Some months before they got married, the guy had travelled out of his regular station for an outside posting as an engineer, and he was meant to be there for 3months. It was during this outside posting that he met this beautiful lady. She was also working in the sister company where the guy had been posted. They seemed to get along well, and one thing led to another. The chemistry got so strong that they became sexually intimate. Two weeks before the guy was to go back to his base, the lady gave him the good news….she was carrying his baby! This guy was overwhelmingly confused when he heard the news and thought fast about what he could do to cover his tracks. He was morally upright and was even a youth pastor in his home church and even in his University days. Having a lady pregnant for him outside wedlock was a No, No.

As soon as he got back home, he approached his pastor and close confidant who told him not to go ahead with marrying the lady. He couldn’t care less about what they both said. He had a reputation to protect. They could always work on the marriage, he thot. At least, they were both “christians”; moreso, there was no time for “too much thinking and analysis”. So he made quick arrangements to meet the lady’s parents and within a few weeks, they got married. About 4 months after their wedding, she put to bed and real life began. They began to have heated arguments on flimsy issues; the real people in both of them began to show up and each party became more and more intolerant of the other. Things grounded to a halt one day when the wife walked out of the marriage with their only child.

He waited and thought she would be back by that evening. She didn’t show up. Two days, three days, she was nowhere to be found. He went to her friends place and they claimed they didn’t know where she was. He travelled several hours to the parents village and they became hostile to him, telling him he had treated their daughter poorly. He pleaded, explained, cajoled. Things went back and forth, and he wasn’t allowed to see her or even his baby! All this drama went into weeks and then months! As we speak, both of them have been apart and out of communication for about 6months. The families later saw the deadlock and tried to sort things out but the wife wasn’t ready to make peace. Because of her sturrbboness, even he became irritated and was convinced that he had made a huge mistake by marrying her.

He sat down and thought about all that had happened and the different decisions he made that landed him into the “mess” he was in. He thought seriously about what his pastor told him before he went into the marriage. He thought about the hundreds of people who looked up to him and he could have caused to stumble by “Marrying to cover up/make up for his mistake”. He longed for a fresh, clean start.

Now let’s take a look at what lessons we need to learn.

1) When we have erred, it’s noble to admit, get God’s forgiveness and start afresh. If there’s a child involved, take responsibility and look forward to the future with hope.

2) Have people or at least one person you listen or are accountable to; someone who serves a check and can call you to order.

3) Define your relationships early especially when it has to do with the opposite gender. It shows discipline and responsibility.

4) Be willing, even when we have gone far from God to do things right again, even for the sake of people whose destinies are tied to yours. Share your story, it will remind people that it’s not worth it making decisions without God’s word as the standard.

I trust this will help someone. “One error is enough; don’t cover it up with another”. Have a fantastic week!

Yesterday night, i watched a movie titled “Not easily broken” with the lead Actor being Morris Chestnut; and of course, as you rightly guessed from the title, it was about marriage and its possible attendant issues.

I understand that marriage undergoes different phases with some phases having higher possibilities of causing more strain than others. For example, many are not well informed about the several demands of marriage – career, parenthood, especially motherhood and so, marriage suffers seriously. The couple in this movie had issues adjusting to demands of building a business, career, starting a family, finance, and they soon began to drift apart until another lady came into the picture. Fortunately, they got counsel and a strong reminder about the place of God as the third string in the cord of their marriage, before the guy’s relationship with the other lady made much progress; so they were able to make things work again.

Why do men have affairs? why are they drawn by women outside and have flings? It’s not because they don’t love their wives more then any human in the world or because they don’t value the committment they made on their wedding day in the presence of many people. I’ve discovered from experience, that for a man, his wife doesn’t always feel like the “missing rib”, or God’s greatest gift to him. And it’s in those “vulnerable” times that the most logical thing seems to be, for him to get the love somewhere else, moreso, these days, there are too many single women with “so much love to give”. EXCEPT there’s a stronger, more compelling force within a man that makes him resist the pull of infidelity, he will ultimately slip and fall.

I know, and i’ve heard that the percentage of men that stay faithful to their wives in marriage is so low that you wonder if those men are “real men”. But the truth is that before one can stand clean, one needs to have submitted himself to God and the whole lifestyle involved in walking with God. The case of, “If you don’t stand for something, you fall for anything” is so real in the case of fidelity in marriage. A strong reason why some men don’t engage extramarital affairs is because the fear of God is REAL enough to them that it drives their actions and lifestyles.

I know that one doesn’t always feel head over heels in love with his wife; but men have been instructed by God to love their wives and not defile the marriage bed. He showed us by example that he loves us with an everlasting love; and that he will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. He swore by his name that he’ll be with us. He expects us to decide and commit ourselves either to walk with him FULLY or otherwise. Adultery is clear enough as a NO NO to God, and we need to understand and engage God’s power to fight sin, even with our lives.

So men, let’s be real men. It’s not about what is popular today, it’s about reminding ourselves that God’s standards have not changed; it’s also knowing that God’s presence as the third party is there to take hold with us, against the challenges and wiles of the enemy. We will succeed!

It’s indeed been a while. I can’t begin to state the things that have been my major preoccupation of late, but in all, God has given me grace and capacity to handle them all. Today, i’ll talk to the ladies, because i’ve come to discover that they’re the more influential gender than the men, right?For the average girl, marriage looks like the next logical thing after graduation, youth service, a few yrs of working, a masters program (for the very career oriented ones); hence, there’s no proper understanding of this subject of marriage and so, no conscious preparation is made for this new phase of life. Ladies expect that once the basic things are in place for the guy – love for God, vision, values, blah blah blah, “things will just flow” and so, when things don’t “just flow”, they begin to wonder what went wrong.

A while ago, i was speaking with a lady who was engaged to be married, and she had read so many books, she was so informed, i was tripped! Before i got married, i did my own fair share of reading as well, but everything seemed to have disappeared when i got married….lol. Then i decided to start reading again. But then, i thought of this one thing, that i was married to one man and all i needed to do was to understand that one man and make the relationship between the both of us fantastic. Books help, but the decision to understand and be able to manage your spouse is by far more important. I started asking my husband questions i wanted to clarify, and we communicated about every single thing, and the bond between the both of us became stronger. I had to remind myself that this marriage was between the two of us and for it to be excellent, our lives had to be poured into each other; we had to each “leave our comfort zone and go the extra mile for each other”. I hear people say, “i can’t do that for him/her”, says who? If not him/her, then who?

Is it possible to hold on to some of the things that you believed “that’s how i am” and have a successful marriage? I’ll say an emphatic NO. A lady asked me, “will that not be pretending to be who i am not?”. I asked her “who are you?” The current “YOU” is a product of experiences over the years, and this current “YOU” is still work in progress and if the things that you need to do to have a healthy happy home don’t clash with your faith and values, then NIKE! Just do it! You’ve got at least 30years to practice these new things that will add spice and flavour to your marriage and life, and am sure after a few years, those things would’ve been a part of you.

I didn’t know MANY things when i newly got married, but one thing that helped was the fact that i listened, asked questions, and was willing to learn. As a woman, if you listen more than you speak, you stand the chance of a good marriage.

Some women might be quick to say am being unfair, and that it’s not purely a man’s world. I like to be true to myself. Show me a woman who fights with her husband for independence and a voice in her home, and i’ll show you one with a near broken down home. I’ll also say as i round up emphatically that it’s not a sin to remain single. If you can’t cope with the demands and sacrifices that come with being married, then by all means, enjoy your freedom as a single; afterall, God will not penalize us for not being married when we die. This article is simply for people who truly desire a fantastic marriage and i’ll encourage you to give it your best shot, prepare to go into marriage with an “open, ready to give and learn” mind. Your home will create the environment where those lofty goals will either blossom or be snuffed out. You owe it to yourself to be prepared for it, because when you do, you can have the world at your feet!

Have a great week!

Hello guys, it has indeed been a while. The server that hosts my website was hacked on Monday and i had this article ready but couldn’t post it. Thank God it’s been rectified. There’re some thoughts which have been on my mind for a while and i’ll write on one of them today.

These days, i have observed a bothersome, yet prevalent trend in our society. That trend is the rate at which newly married couples get divorced (am talking about 1-2yr old marriages or slightly more), more bothersome is the percentage of these cases that are found in the church. It’s really amazing that over 90% of the cases i’ve seen have divorced over “very easily resolvable” issues. Issues that sound so childish, you feel like giving the parties concerned, especially the man, the head of the home, a good whipping! I agree that not only one thing causes divorce, but things degenerated badly over time and cause a breakdown.

I’ll like to refer to an article i wrote a while ago. It was a review of the vows that couples take during their wedding ceremony. Let’s take a look at an example of a marriage vow:

Groom
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God’s guidance by His spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

Bride
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. _____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

Are these words not weighty enough for a person to just wake up and turn one’s back on a marriage? Are these words, usually said before God and man, not binding enough to keep one motivated against all odds to make things work? Are they not scary enough to ensure one thinks very well before venturing into it? Marriage is a call to obey God’s expectations within the union. It therefore requires committment, constant discipline to keep the big picture in focus irrespective of challenges.

I’m really considering creating a system that helps new couples adjust to the challenges and peculiarities of a young marriage. I think, a major reason why divorce rates are high is because women have become so empowered that they’re losing the use of tact and diplomacy in handling issues. Women say their minds so much that they say things that are absolutely unnecessary! On the other hand, men are so much under pressure that they don’t listen to their wives and want things done their way, they need to be sure they’re still in charge. It’s hard when a man marries a woman who is clearly more intelligent or successful than him. I’m not saying the men should marry a moron, but marry someone who will not keep you permanently on the defensive. That can’t be a happy home. Our mothers were majorly housewives, teachers or government employees who made meagre income and so, had little say as far as running the home was concerned. But these days, women are so successful, and earn so much that a lot earn more than their husbands; and unfortunately for the men, because they feel threatened, they try to exert their authority in other ways.

Can we please pause and picture marriage through God’s eyes? These days we have many marriages of boys to women or men to girls hence it’s easier to handle committment less seriously. God intended for marriage to be for synergy, and intimacy like will never exist between humans. It was meant to symbolize perfect unity and the highest level of intimacy, a fusion of two hearts and souls. So, if that was the original plan, why should we find it so easy to break it off? It’s not our idea and should be handled sacredly as it really is.

Marriage is not your idea; it’s God’s. Let’s do this right!

In my last two posts, i did say that i’ll be sharing tips and buttressing them with practical examples – both personal and non-personal. I think i’ll just share one or two thoughts today. Enjoy…

A “healthy” marriage takes work o. You don’t feel the way you felt for each other in courtship or as newly weds all the time. Don’t panic- it’s very normal. A quote i once read states that,” Emotions come and go. Do the deeds and the feelings will follow.” Make the phone calls from work just to say “Hi, I was thinking about you.” Get out, one-on-one, just the two of you, even if it is just for a drink. In Lagos where i live, life can be so engaging that creating time together can be very difficult, even though a great necessity and ultimately very refreshing. Also, in this part of the world where we’re so social and have huge attachments with friends and family, intimacy needs to be built between husbands and wives when they create those away times. I and my husband work together but we still step to each other and crack jokes via skype; i guess it’s easy because we were friends for over 12years before we got married (that’s not the standard o, but have a healthy friendship first though). Interested in knowing how it all started? See me one on one…lol

Another tip is this: Take time to listen and stay “current” with each other. Don’t pour all of your energy into your job and have nothing left over for your family. Don’t become “married singles” -two people living in the same home who longer have anything in common. If your job (or ministry) does take all of your energy all of the time, then speaking to both parties, you need to create that time or find a different job. There is nothing more tragic in life than a man (or woman) who makes it to the top of the company ladder and loses their family in the process.

I know what i wrote in the last paragraph looks like “too much theory” but i’ll say this. Any woman who has not gotten into her head that a man’s primary concern is his work or business is in for frustration in marriage. If you don’t understand that the man is under pressure to ensure that money keeps coming in to maintain the home and so, focuses on the ways he thinks this will happen, you have a major lesson to learn. When hubby works late and hard instead of gisting with you, it doesn’t mean he loves you less. Infact, it means he cares so much about you that he can’t stand you lacking. So, the best you can do is to “come into his world”. How? By being a part of his work and business. Understand what his work entails in detail, share in his challenges, use some of the terminologies in his field, network with his colleagues in the office, be involved. It sure makes him feel loved and cared for; it also gives both of you more reasons to talk. I have a personal experience of this. Everywhere my husband has ever worked (all multinationals), i’ve known almost all the staff, including the drivers and cleaners; for some of his colleagues then, we have become family friends. He gisted me about the small and big trainings, local and abroad, and i listened, i read through some of the journals and generally developed interest. Many ladies just switch off from their husbands’ primary interest, that’s not very wise. I have a friend who, when she discovered that her husband will ignore anyone when watching football, had to create a love for football. She had to read up, step up and learn. Even if it’s a little interest you develop, he’ll appreciate it. That will even make you challenge him to get involved in some of your interests as well. Our seperate friends have now become mutual friends. The law of sowing and reaping has so much application in marriage.

It’s interesting that most people don’t understand that the moment you get married, you cease to exist in seperate worlds. There’s a breakdown of every wall as you both cleave, that’s God’s original plan. Every business of either of you becomes the business of both of you, that’s how to build unity and true lasting intimacy. Men, marriage is not all about you, shift, come into your wife’s world. So i’ll say for the married, both of you, don’t stay outside, come in, into each others’ worlds so you can unite and have one WORLD……

I could go on and on but i’ll stop here. Keep working on your marriage or marriage-to-be. Have a lovely weekend!

Hello my peeps! How was the weekend? Mine was packed and i have a full head now…..Anyways, i had to tell myself that it’s been over one week ago that i posted an article and i thought to share one or two thoughts with you. For a while now, we’ve been looking at the need to “shift” within our marriages in order to have a great one.

I read the story of a couple who celebrated 30 years of marriage and they had so much to share, some of which i’ll be writing about, i’ll also try and spice it up with some personal examples. He gave an illustration about an old pastor who was getting ready to retire. Someone asked him, “Of all the things you have learned in your years of ministry, what is the most significant? Here is what he said: “The true measure of a man’s relationship with God can be seen on his wife’s countenance.”

Just look into his wife’s eyes, and you will learn much about the man. Yes, there might be exceptions, but the truth of the matter is how a man treats people, starting with his family members, is directly connected to his personal relationship with God. A man can fool the people at church or at work (at least for a season), but the people he lives with – not a chance. Men! treat us well, your work speaks o!

There’s a quote i saw this morning which says, “Our journey to success hardly goes perfectly straight from beginning to the end” and this saying cannot be more true even for marital success. Straight and smooth is not natural! The error most of us make is that our expectations are unrealistic because we don’t factor into things, the role of working to have a good marriage.

All married and unmarried people must note this. A marriage relationship is a living thing, in many ways similar to a plant. There are things you can do to enhance it, make it flourish, and there are things you can do in terms of neglect. It can go without water and sunlight for a while, but make no mistake…the principle of sowing and reaping is just as relevant in marriage as in any area of life. If you don’t invest in your marriage, you don’t get anything. All you have is 2 people cohabiting and doing their own things. Time and communication are key investments in a marriage relationship.

I remember a couple friend whose wife shared with me how her marriage was before and how it is now. I think there’s a lot to learn from her story about “shifting”. She’s a sparky sanguine, meaning she loves to talk! She’s always excited and full of life but the husband is soooo quiet and loves his privacy! The lady couldn’t handle it cos she would always feel like talking while he never did, it got so bad that she wanted to go crazy since she wasn’t used to keeping quiet. At a point, she made a decision to channel her “talking prowess” into expressing to him what a fantastic man he was, she dotted on him, showed him so much care, praised him so much that he began to respond more to her. Today, they talk a lot more, and she also knows when to give him space to be alone. One person decided to act to bridge the gap (shift). They’ve made good progress. In the same scenario, some other lady would have chosen friends outside to discuss issues with and gradually loose the need for the husband as a companion and confidant. It’s so easy to lose what we have if we don’t act.

There’s no secret to having a great marriage. It’s about first desiring one, understanding what it takes and that involves getting information, then, working towards it based on the different personalities of you and your spouse. Marriage is a journey, not a dash. We’re working at it, moving on and still counting…..

Have a fantastic week ahead!