Happy New Year! I’m sure many of you have written out your goals and have started working towards making them happen. I know some of us have “to get married by so so time” as one of such goals. Infact, some of the people with such goals have fixed dates “in faith” and don’t even have a partner yet!

Having said that, many people venture into marriage without being prepared. Don’t go into it simply because you have advanced in age or your friends are now daddies or mummies. Many people need clarity as to how to measure if indeed they’re ready for marriage. The major preparation towards marriage has to happen in the mind. When there’s understanding as to  what it entails, unrealistic expectations will fly out of the window and a person will act wisely.

Are you really ready for marriage? I’ll highlight clearly a few points that you can use to measure if you are ready for marriage or not. Be informed that the list is inexhaustible and we’ll look at more points in the course of the year:

1) If you believe strongly that you must always have the last say in an argument, you’re not ready for marriage.

2) If you don’t like anyone invading your space, you’re not ready.

3) If you’re a lady, and you don’t cook or don’t like to, your marriage is not likely to be easy or funny.

4) If you always say things exactly how they come to your mind not caring who is hurt, you’re headed for a rocky and ultimately likely to crash marriage.

5) If you believe that you’re who you are and no one can change that, you’re not ready.

6) If you think about others only when you’ve fully sorted yourself out, you’re not ready.

7) If you are so good at holding a grudge and you’ll only let go when you feel like, stay unmarried.

8 If you’re a man and you’re not engaged in ventures or a process in time that can financially take care of your immediate family and beyond, you need to give yourself a few more years to be ready.

9) If you believe that women at best should be good in bed and kitchen affairs only, you’ll end up having a bitter and subdued wife; stay away.

10) If your mind can’t conceive the thought of having a more successful wife, even if it’s temporary, then you have a little growing up to do. Welcome to the real world, stuff happens.

11) If as a man, you’re easily swayed and pressurized to do things against your wish, you’re not ready for marriage.

12) If you have no confidence in your capability and your future, you have no business taking someone else with you.

13) If as a man, you don’t have a mentor or leader you follow, listen or defer to, you’re not going to be able to lead your family.

14) If you can’t have a wedding ceremony within a budget you can personally afford, give yourself more time. Who says you can’t have 20 guests or less at your wedding? Cut your coat according to your cloth and take responsibility. As a man, you can define how small or large you want your wedding ceremony to be and be able to handle it.

15) If you have an anger problem such that you can destroy things when you’re angry, get a therapist to help you through managing it. Otherwise, engage God’s help for the change you seek. With anger issues, you’re disaster waiting to explode.

Are you really ready for marriage? Are you an old boy or a man? Are you an old girl or a lady? Are you matured? Are you emotionally stable?

Watch out for batch 2 of this article. Chew on these points and equip yourself with knowledge that will give you a healthy and balanced mindset as regards marriage. You want to get into marriage and not have to experience shocks

Have a great day and a great year!

Two articles ago, i wrote about the choleric women. Today, i’ll be writing about another set of women who exhibit a temperament that can be described as “killing me softly . This category of people hardly verbalize their thoughts. They’re so internal, it could get irritating. Someone once broke a relationship with her boyfriend because he was so quiet, and whenever there was an issue to be addressed, he seemed to have nothing to say, she almost went crazy!

These people are Melancholics. Let’s take a look at Characteristics of Melancholics

Melancholics are Introverted people. They are perfectionists. They’re often very kind and considerate, and can be highly creative – as in poetry and art – but also can become overly pre-occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world, thus becoming depressed.They are very particular about attention to detail, are finicky and could be very hard to please. They have very high standards and their subordinates most times will have to do something many times for it to gain their approval. I heard of a top corporate executive who has a document scanner that scans letters and emails and detects and highlight errors. The Melancholics are naturally critical/judgemental even of themselves because of their standards. They are very easily hurt, and seem to store in mind, every wrong thing done to them. They also are, most times, very risk averse, they have enough reasons why a business venture/project won’t work.

There’s a particular reason why i’m writing about this class of people. People that are too internal and who focus their minds on too much negativity become emotionally weakened and gradually degenerate until it affects their minds (depression) and consequently bodies. When there’s a lot of negative emotions and long standing, deep seated unforgiveness, harmful hormones are released that begin to break down the immune system and one becomes susceptible to a lot of health conditions such as cancer and more. A healthy mind brings about a healthy body. Apart from that, in extreme cases, they could become paranoid due to a past experience. I once met a lady who never shared anything with anyone, who would pick up strands of hair after combing and keep in her bag even where there’s a bin, she lived on the edge, and i wondered how she would really live free….

Melancholics are very deep people. A man with a melancholic wife could get to discover that he’s starved of sex or food because of something he did to his wife, which even he can’t remember anymore and she’s holding seriously against him! To be the best, i’ll advise we focus our passions and thoughts on positive and creative things so we don’t hurt ourselves in the name of being upset with others. In marriage, melancholics have to engage God’s help to forgive quickly and easily. They also need to express their belief more in their spouses and stop focusing on why things won’t work. Marriage is a life long union, and our temperaments must not be the reason why our homes should crumble. We need to address it as urgent.

Human beings are diverse in their personalities. Several researches have been carried out at different times to give definition to the different personality types that exist. One of them is the division into temperaments, which in itself, is quite broad.

I don’t want to go technical or too bookish in this post. I’ll be bringing some things to the notice of the guys about a particular class of women, and my intention is not to bring anybody down. I’ll just like us to know the strengths and weaknesses of this class and women so that we can be prepared and more informed to make decisions. I’m particularly interested in this class of women because their impact can be really phenomenal every where they are.

I am talking about Choleric Women. Let’s do a quick search into who Cholerics are:

“The choleric personality type is a very strong individual. These people are your born leaders. They are characterized by being hard workers, very productive and independent. Along with this comes a tendency to be strong-willed. A choleric can easily organize and run just about anything to which he sets his mind. He is constantly busy making good decisions and acting on them.

The choleric individual is normally a good worker. He makes a good leader and will likely finish what he starts. This person is not easily intimidated, though he often intimidates others. He thrives on control, wants things his way and needs lots of achievement and appreciation. If you run into a workaholic or someone who loves to tell you what to do and when, you have just met the average choleric.


Now, what do you think? Very strong individual right? Have you noticed that most outstanding women in the world are cholerics? They run organizations successfully and are very productive. They make success look so cheap, they get a lot done and are so independent. They’ve also got strong weaknesses as well. I’ve met a number of men who got married to choleric wives who literally ran them down because the men had much weaker personalities and couldn’t manage their wives. I’ve also met a few guys who in the course of a few months of guy/girl relationship had to bolt out cos the ladies were “running” the relationship. It’s much tougher for choleric women to be submissive but it becomes easier when one engages God’s help. Everyone who will succeed at anything must have a measure of choleric temperament. It is essential. But my focus today is the purely or majorly choleric woman. A very high percentage of purely choleric women don’t have very good marriages because they’re naturally bossy and domineering, i’m sure you have a few examples springing up in your heads, shei?

I’ve noticed that many quiet guys like to go for females with drive. But i’ll say you shouldn’t go scope a lady you can’t manage/handle. Try and picture that lady when she becomes very successful in a couple of years; will she still listen to you?

I however know of choleric women who have driven their husbands to succeed. Cholerics are not bad, they just need to focus on their strengths and make it overshadow their weaknesses. I was watching an episode of Moments with Mo on friday where a married man said what turns an African man on is submission. Even Mo had a little bit of a problem with that because she is choleric….lol

So guys, understand what you want to go into before you make the final commitment. The reason why i decided to write on this is because the choleric woman and the ego in a man will always clash if not properly managed/channeled. I hope this helps someone.

Have a great afternoon!