The very thought of the genesis of this article brings some interesting memories to mind. Life in secondary school formed the crux of who i am today. I made some amazing relationships with people from all strata of society. Remarkable as well, was the fact that i developed a personal relationship with God when i was in JS 1. After that, i got heavily involved in fellowship and church activities. I was a full boarding house student, and functioned in several units in the school fellowship back then where i met several kinds of people, some of them were more carefree than others, who were a bit more rigid, some even got extreme. Just like expected in the fellowship, there was a lot of emphasis on putting our absolute trust and faith in God and not depend on our own understanding. Based on this teaching, there was a trend i noticed among the fellowship people in adherence to this teaching.

As far as academics was concerned, ardent fellowship brethren believed strongly that since they have the excellent mind and nature of God, it was impossible to fail. Some of them gave very little seriousness to their academics and performed way below their capabilities. I tried to balance things up, but it still affected me a bit as well. I came out with a good result, but i could have done better.

I went ahead to the University and discovered that it was slightly worse, because the average person had the freedom to do whatever he/she wanted to; no curfew by parents or guardians. So, people spent too much time in church/fellowship and even exceed necessary time there; some people functioned in several units and even boasted about it, quoting that when you get involved in God’s business, he will get involved in yours. Some eventually had an extra semester/session and that could have been avoided. This attitude carried on for a protracted period has made a number of Christians lazy…..mentally and in having no drive to work at something till it pulls through.

Many Christians are churned out of school and are totally unprepared for the market place. They’re out of touch with happenings in the corporate world as well as the business world, current affairs/politics, etc so they really have very little relevance in society. It’s worse when it’s guys that fall into this mould. It’s not funny when Christian guys have become mentally lazy and lack sufficient drive and will and staying power to ensure they succeed. That’s why some people see no need becoming christians; they are doing clearly better than most of them!

What i see missing is shifting responsibility to God instead of taking it. It’s very clear in the message translation of the bible which i’ve fallen in love with, that God expects man to take responsibility for everything he has created, but they, seeing God as sovereign and omnipotent, have believed that they need to make just a little effort and have maximum results. Guys, God is a hardworker. The earth we live in, and the quality of the entire creation confirms it; moreso, the quality of capacity he has put in mind to imagine a thing and make it happen. He is all powerful, but he has given man the opportunity to choose. He’s also a God of process; that’s why he created seed. The seed has the inbuilt capacity, in time, to become a forest with cultivation, weeding and nurturing. That’s the same way God expects us to function; to understand that there are no shortcuts or miracle breakthrough without a lot of hard work.

Many successful ladies, on discovering that their boyfriends are not taking their vocation/financial future opt out fast; and for ladies who feel their time is running out and so still go ahead with marriage, they eventually disrespect their husbands. I met an elderly woman who wanted to sell her almost 30year old business. She said anytime she had to travel out and left her husband to help manage the business, things always went down. He simply lacked the skills or discipline to make it work and she lamented that he was never interested in developing himself, i found it hard to ask her if he really does anything. Now, their children are in their twenties and she has worked all her life to keep the home up and doing. Now, she’s tired and wants to sell the business since all the children are out of school. I also noticed she doesn’t like talking about him….hmm

Ladies, please don’t marry a lazy guy; am not stating categorically that he must be rich. Money will however always flow in the direction of the person who offers value. Any guy who can’t be on his toes always will make you as a woman work so hard, and you’ll get tired with time.

Christian guys, don’t be lazy. Everything you need to succeed, you have. You simply need a lot of hardwork, not giving up, self belief, taking responsibility and leadership to be the man. Spend time to grow what you have. The supernatural is meant to give wings to the exceptional skills you have spent time and commitment to build. I once placed orders for some things from a business guy and he gave me a date for delivery. I had to call him twice for delivery. Up till now, he’s yet to deliver them. That was the second time that was going to happen. Afterwards, i heard someone say that he spends his weekdays in church prayer meetings; i wondered what he was looking for endlessly at prayer meetings when there was ready market for his products. Get your priorities right; God tells us clearly to mind our business; men will patronize us, not angels. I dare say even the church finds your presence more valuable when you’re financially independent and responsible

Have a workful and productive 2012!

2011. What a year! I made a commitment at the beginning of the year that i would write many more articles and post weekly; alas, i failed you! I got distracted by several things. I started writing articles several times and never got around to finishing them. I’m sorry. I am taking this time, barely one and half hours into the new year to share something with my readers; i know it will help some people put into perspective, a major subject like going into marriage in the new year.

Over a week ago, i was in an event where a young lady was asked what she wanted in a guy she would get married to. Amongst other things, she said she wanted an affluent guy. I had blurted out before i caught myself. I said my hubby now was everything but rich.

After the event, i looked back at where i was coming from. When i was in school, i had a group of friends and most of us were in serious relationships in our penultimate to final year.  I constantly felt odd then because i was the only one who was in a serious relationship with a “fellow student”.  He was certainly not from a comfortable home but always thought big and took risks. He was driven. By the time he was out of University, he had done several businesses. Infact, i remember then being given money as a gift by my parents to buy a car on graduation, he persuaded me that we could do business with it and not buy a liability. I believed him, and we went ahead; even though am not sure if the business went well. We sure had some others that went well. My parents constantly asked about the car they gave me money for, i told them it wasn’t enough to buy the car i wanted and i had invested it. My sisters cruised around with their cars.

Today, i look back and wonder what would’ve happened if i threw him away because he was not yet stable or ready. Some of the rich guys my colleagues dated then had some really rough times in business, and lost a lot of money, some of their businesses crashed, one or two were implicated at work and lost their jobs. That was a reality check for me. Some of those guys are just finding their feet after several years. In my relationship, we have been through several phases, but we never started big, grown together, i have learnt to abase and abound. I can survive under any condition; and God has favoured me and us.

Please get me right. I’m not saying jump on any guy purely based on hope simply because your goal says 2012 is your marital year. If the guy hanging around you is lazy or laid back, run! If hoping is the only thing he’s doing, run from him as well. Some ladies are in relationships for years and the guy has not been able to give anything to the lady, nothing at all; run o! If things don’t change, howbeit gradually for the guy in years, waka! Else, you’ll need to be prepared to fend for him all through your married life. Things must not always be one sided. If the guy has friends whose lifestyles or dreams are not motivating, run!

I sincerely pray for the best for you in 2012, and encourage you to get counsel when you’re confused. Every human being has the power of choice. Choose wisely; understanding that we can’t afford to judge a person by the present alone; certain attributes and association will tell you the person who is going somewhere. Is he rich today? Was that the main attraction? It may not always be so for him; can you stay with him if things change for bad? Can he bounce back legitimately if things go bad?  Think deeply, then act.

See more of me in 2012!

I love the message translation of the bible. I stumbled on this passage two days ago and decided to publish it for everyone to see. I always wonder what Jesus would’ve done to the church as it is today, if these were those days…..the people he would be rolling with, the things he would outrightly condemn and “born again christians” would be against him for….i wonder, just wonder! Can you read the article below with an open, simple English Language mind? You’ll be amazed what Jesus stood for and what he outrightly condemned; it doesn’t matter your religion abeg, read on! I’ll highlight a few statement for emphasis. I’ll like to have your thoughts after this.

“The religion scholars and Pharisees are competent teachers in God’s Law. You won’t go wrong in following their teachings on Moses. But be careful about following them. They talk a good line, but they don’t live it. They don’t take it into their hearts and live it out in their behavior. It’s all spit-and-polish veneer.

^4-7“Instead of giving you God’s Law as food and drink by which you can banquet on God, they package it in bundles of rules, loading you down like pack animals. They seem to take pleasure in watching you stagger under these loads, and wouldn’t think of lifting a finger to help. Their lives are perpetual fashion shows, embroidered prayer shawls one day and flowery prayers the next. They love to sit at the head table at church dinners, basking in the most prominent positions, preening in the radiance of public flattery, receiving honorary degrees, and getting called ‘Doctor’ and ‘Reverend.’

^8-10“Don’t let people do that to you, put you on a pedestal like that. You all have a single Teacher, and you are all classmates. Don’t set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do. Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do. No one else should carry the title of ‘Father’; you have only one Father, and he’s in heaven. And don’t let people maneuver you into taking charge of them. There is only one Life-Leader for you and them—Christ.

^11-12“Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.

Frauds!

¹³“I’ve had it with you! You’re hopeless, you religion scholars, you Pharisees! Frauds! Your lives are roadblocks to God’s kingdom. You refuse to enter, and won’t let anyone else in either.

¹⁵“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You go halfway around the world to make a convert, but once you get him you make him into a replica of yourselves, double-damned.

^16-22“You’re hopeless! What arrogant stupidity! You say, ‘If someone makes a promise with his fingers crossed, that’s nothing; but if he swears with his hand on the Bible, that’s serious.’ What ignorance! Does the leather on the Bible carry more weight than the skin on your hands? And what about this piece of trivia: ‘If you shake hands on a promise, that’s nothing; but if you raise your hand that God is your witness, that’s serious’? What ridiculous hairsplitting! What difference does it make whether you shake hands or raise hands? A promise is a promise. What difference does it make if you make your promise inside or outside a house of worship? A promise is a promise. God is present, watching and holding you to account regardless.

^23-24“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God’s Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment—the absolute basics!—you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that’s wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

^25-26“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.

^27-28“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You’re like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it’s all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you’re saints, but beneath the skin you’re total frauds.

^29-32“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You build granite tombs for your prophets and marble monuments for your saints. And you say that if you had lived in the days of your ancestors, no blood would have been on your hands. You protest too much! You’re cut from the same cloth as those murderers, and daily add to the death count.

^33-34“Snakes! Reptilian sneaks! Do you think you can worm your way out of this? Never have to pay the piper? It’s on account of people like you that I send prophets and wise guides and scholars generation after generation—and generation after generation you treat them like dirt, greeting them with lynch mobs, hounding them with abuse.

^35-36“You can’t squirm out of this: Every drop of righteous blood ever spilled on this earth, beginning with the blood of that good man Abel right down to the blood of Zechariah, Barachiah’s son, whom you murdered at his prayers, is on your head. All this, I’m telling you, is coming down on you, on your generation.

^37-39“Jerusalem! Jerusalem! Murderer of prophets! Killer of the ones who brought you God’s news! How often I’ve ached to embrace your children, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you wouldn’t let me. And now you’re so desolate, nothing but a ghost town. What is there left to say? Only this: I’m out of here soon. The next time you see me you’ll say, ‘Oh, God has blessed him! He’s come, bringing God’s rule!’”

May God’s kingdom come and His will be done on this earth!

In the past one decade at least, things have advanced generally, fashion has become more important as various things, including getting a job and retaining it as well as access to places where business deals can be closed are linked to one’s appearance. Phones, cars and laptops have become more shapely and attractive; and this has affected the taste of guys when it comes to their choice in relationships.

Many guys who were deprived growing up are on the lookout for ladies who’ve got taste, as against a woman who is particular about her roles as a wife and mother in the home. I remember an instance of a guy who grew up in a poor home. He was fortunate as he grew up to associate with people who motivated and helped him grow in every way; his pocket and taste also grew. Around that time, he was in a relationship with a lady who the average guy will love to have; she had good character, a good job, and was a good cook! She wasn’t particularly the type to initiate the need to go eat out or hang out or go to the movies and all. After a while, he dumped her, saying she was “too domesticated”.

He later met a ‘sophisticated’ lady who had a foreign background and met his new status and who he could ‘show off’; they had fun hanging out and tripping around. Shortly after they met, they got married. A few months down the line, they started having issues. He discovered she couldn’t cook at all and was too independent. In his words, he said she could not even boil rice well. He had to start eating out and now, they’re separated.

It’s too much work attempting to get married to someone whose background or lifestyle is too different from ours. Those relationships are called high maintenance relationships; and on the day one person gets tired or feels cheated that he/she is the only one making the compromises, things begin to fall apart. I know a few guys who, when I met who they intend to marry, felt sorry for the guys in advance. A younger friend toasted a lady who told him before hand that she cannot suffer at all and needed to have ACs in every part of the home including the kitchen and he still went ahead with her!

Another lady always insisted that her boyfriend needed to get her into chartered cabs all the time; she also kicked against his getting a line that would help them talk for free, and that if he loved her, he would spend on her, no matter the amount. Another lady who demanded a 42” Plasma TV told the guy she wanted either that or nothing! I noticed that most guys seem to lack the capacity to see these pointers and go headlong, only to start having issues after.

Guys, before you go ahead with that lady, please pause and think. Some women insist on going on vacation even when the family is working on projects; they want the latest phones or jewelry or whatever; and the men work all their lives to satisfy them and to avoid nagging. Guys, before you go ahead with that relationship, engage the thoughts of an older, respected, woman. Stop looking for fantasy ladies; you can make your virtuous lady as fashionable and sexy as you want her to be after marriage. Look before you leap!

Have you noticed that when a young girl, mostly a teenager starts having regular sex, her behaviour changes? Since someone she looked up to came as low as exposing what he will never show outside and sleeping with her, her perspective towards men generally changes. I’ve spoken with a number of them and i discovered that they have little or no respect for most men. That’s why some ladies will see their lecturers the same way they see their Uncles that defiled them.

Sex is amazing and beautiful….what is different is the after effect of it, the consequences and guilt that cannot be erased when it’s carried out outside marriage. Sex introduces a powerful dimension to every relationship in that it exposes a woman to her husband’s most vulnerable state and vice versa. Unless you value and respect the person who your partner is, having “seen him finish”, the intimacy overtime can create an unhealthy familiarity if not well managed, especially by the woman. I once heard two married women making fun of their husbands’ behaviour during sex, they compared notes and had a good laugh; i simply wondered how that discussion would not affect their perception of their husbands. I guess that’s why a lot of men say their wives no longer respect them especially for those who never started out that way.

Men, your wife has the capacity to make or ruin you. If you’re going out with that lady now and you’re head over heels in love with her but she doesn’t believe in or respect you much, in a few years, you’ll be on a fast lane downhill. Why? She has seen you at your weakest. Also, as a man, you will make a few errors before you record success; and if she’s always there, ready to say i told you, be sure that your self esteem and eventual success are unlikely to amount to much.

By God’s design, a man is the head of the home, no matter the kind of man he is. Every man simply has the power to choose with whom to build the home. If you think that time is running out and want to manage a man who you can’t follow his leadership (in career, raising children, business, spiritually, etc); you’ll soon outgrow him and become trapped, angry and irritable in an unhappy marriage; you’ll be amazed at how much havoc all that can cause; so i advise you to back out now!

If you’re already stuck in a marriage with a man who you sincerely cannot follow or take any advise from, do your best to help him improve his self esteem. He’s the head anyway, and disrespecting him is rebellion against God, so you need creative ways to get him to align with your point of view as if it originated from him. You deserve to be happy, and it will be better if you are with your spouse. I wish you all the best!

I’ve met a number of couples who started their marriages with all the love in the world. They had big dreams and plans to make them happen. Impossible was nothing; everything was in place in their home and the future looked picture perfect.But along the line, each party had to make defining decisions; career change decisions, entrepreneural/business decisions, etc. Those decisions then turned out to cost more than was bargained for because they were not done properly at all. Let’s take a look at a particular scenario.

Couple X started their marriage with both of them in the corporate world – good jobs and a very promising career path; until the husband decided to fire his boss. He believed he was better of being his own boss, having his own thing, having control of time and so on. Shortly after his decision, he submits his resignation letter and it was only afterwards that he decided to “inform” his wife about his decision!The wife felt hurt and betrayed and did not hide how she felt. But he only viewed her as an enemy of progress. He withdrew to himself and threw himself into his business. He worked long and hard. He never spoke in detail to her about his business, had business meetings without her presence within the vicinity. He virtually shut her out. Today, which is about 2years after he resigned his job and started business, he has almost nothing to show for it; the business is not doing well and he’s almost always broke. Today, his wife mocks him and makes derogatory statements about him. She has lost every sense of respect for him. Today, they don’t do most things together because the wife doesn’t feel a “part of him and his life”. She has grown so independent within the marriage as well that she’s planning a vacation by herself, for herself, without his knowledge!

This type of action by the man gets one thinking of possibilities of ways the man thinks. Is it that he doesn’t value the wife or he wants to be, and stay independent within his marriage? Could he have avoided all these ripple effects of his actions or are they fall outs of a fundamental personal problem? Do i sense some insecurity, some esteem problem?

Some guys that read this might say he went too far by hiding such important information from his wife until after the act. But i guess these things have a way of starting small until things get aggravated.Let’s have your thoughts people, especially suggestions on how things can get back to where, or maybe close to how they were when their love first begun.

Several years ago, i had a chat with an elderly woman who i respect so much; she was already a grandmother then. I was close to getting married then and we just got talking about marriage. Along the line, she delved into roles of each partner in the marriage. The first statement she made shocked and got me defensive. She said, “men can become spoilt when indulged; whatever you won’t take a decade into your marriage, don’t take when you’re newly married. Her context in this case was as regards roles of each spouse.

She recounted a few decades ago when she got married. She was doing better than her husband because she was very industrious. She had a job but had her hands in several businesses, so she had more than one income stream. Her husband had a job but was also schooling; so he focused on funding his education while she had to take up the upkeep of the home. Children started coming in and she still took responsibility for most things in the home. By the time he finished from school, and with two children, he had gotten used to not taking responsibility in the home and she had gotten used to sorting out every need in the home; afterall, her businesses were expanding.

Let me surprise you that she only started complaining about this after over 20years of marriage. I think she suddenly discovered that she had spent a good part of her life working extremely hard for everyone else expect herself and she felt spent and tired. Accoring to her, he did a few things, but it was always after he was asked to. Actually, she had tried much earlier to make him start taking care of things within the house, but she eventually got it done as most times as didn’t want to ask and “wait on a man endlessly”.

Now, it’s over 30years of marriage, and he’s been working on changing, but because he had become “spoilt”, it was extremely difficult making a switch in roles (moreso, at that time, all their children had finished schooling and they didn’t have so many needs as a family); she says he’s much better now though, but if she could turn back the hands of time, they would’ve had the role sharing clearly back then, and the full responsibility she was taking for the family then would’ve been temporary and with a defined time frame.

Please don’t be quick to castigate either the man or the woman. Love sometimes makes one feel you shouldn’t bother your “struggling” partner. But the time comes when one gets spent and exhausted especially when it gets prolonged. Whatever one does not address quickly gains strength until it becomes extremely difficult to change. So please, for the love to last and keep growing, let the roles be clearly shared from the beginning.

When a man doesn’t take responsibility for his home (no matter how broke he is), he’s cutting down his leadership status in the home, he’s reducing the positive, productive pressure that makes him earn the title’ “head of the home”, he’s cutting short the flow of ideas, initiatives and energies that will make the flow of resources come his way. No man that is laid back can truly head his home. You don’t want to earn your wife’s bitterness or ill-feeling over the years. Place heavy demands on yourself. Have an amount of money you drop for family upkeep monthly, then increase it as your income grows. Take responsibility for your family. Let your wife and children look back and say you went very far for their sakes.

I’ll advise all those preparing to get married; as you prepare for the wedding, plan for the marriage. Let the sense of responsibility be in each partner from the beginning. Assumptions and taking things for granted can be extremely costly. Don’t give too many excuses and indulge your husband (in this context). If you indulge him, you’re destroying him. All the best!

The part two of the article that addresses inferiority complex in men has taken so long to come up. We’ll be taking a look at how it presents in a marriage relationship and how it can be handled, and possibly, resolved. Before then, let’s do a brief overview.

Inferiority is a feeling that is common to every individual. At some point in time, you may have felt inferior to a friend, a colleague, or even a sibling. While for you it may be a minor event that you may have overcome, there are some who develop a major inferiority complex. It is mainly a psychological condition that finds its roots in childhood and manifests itself into adulthood if not recognized at an earlier stage. Those who suffer from such a complex constantly belittle themselves, and are very sensitive. They could be so sensitive, that they may become paranoid, thinking that everyone is making fun of them, or thinks lowly of them.

People with an inferiority complex may be outspoken, to an extent that is rude. This stems from the constant desire to prove to themselves or others that they too, are capable of doing all those things that the other is doing. Take an example of a man whose wife is clearly more successful and more influential than he is. Some men, can’t handle it, they would always find reasons to say that their wives do not respect them and are constantly on the lookout for ways to assert their authority in the home.

For someone to overcome this deep-seated condition called an inferiority complex is no easy task. The roots of this problem lie in the past, in an event or a series of events and situations that have left a deep scar on the affected individual’s mind. This complex has then become a type of defense mechanism against all kinds of problems and situations. For such a person to even accept that he may be suffering from an inferiority complex is extremely painful and difficult. An inferiority complex cannot be overcome overnight. It takes a good amount of time, for a person to regain his/her lost self esteem and self image, and to be able to ultimately see the world in a different light. However, the process has to start some time, for which some of these steps may be taken:

1) Positive Thinking: As easy as it sounds, being positive is something as challenging as climbing Mt. Everest for someone who has an inferiority complex. Someone who is conditioned to thinking poorly about himself is going to find everything about ‘positive thinking’ like rubbish. If he believes that life is very unfair to him, he will not even allow the effects of positive thinking to show. However, like a dose of injection is given at regular intervals for someone who is unwell, so is a regular dose of positive thinking required for someone who has an inferiority complex. Reading good books on positive thinking, or just being with people who are positive, as a step towards self improvement on a daily basis, can slowly bring about a difference. Also, on your part, highlighting the positive in every situation is important. Don’t do it explicitly, but there should be an undercurrent of positivity flowing all the time.

2) Acceptance: Overcoming an inferiority complex begins with acceptance of the situation as it is, and of the individual as he is. This however, does not mean that once the complex has been identified it should continue. The acceptance marks the beginning of evolving and change, that will slowly help eliminate the problem. Acceptance also involves accepting, on part of the sufferer of this complex, that he is unique. This again, may take a while but will ultimately be set in the mind and bring about a positive change.

3) Avoidance: Avoidance includes avoiding all those people who evoke a feeling of inferiority in the individual. This doesn’t mean avoiding those who are perceived threats, but those who constantly aim to put the individual down, or just have a natural tendency to do so. This should be followed at least until he has regained some self confidence and feels capable enough of dealing with such people.

Nothing holds true, more than the ‘easier said than done’ saying when it comes to overcoming all these inferiority complex symptoms. This is why, this article has been written for those of you who know someone suffering from an inferiority complex. A person who is suffering from an inferiority complex herself may find it extremely difficult to accept and face these symptoms, and ways of overcoming them. On the other hand, you as a loved one can slowly bring about these changes in the individual, without stating the obvious.

Love and support are extremely essential when trying to overcome the inferiority complex, and once these measures are successfully implemented, there is no looking back. Once a woman has gotten married to a man with an inferiority complex, she needs to love and support him in creative ways to overcome it.

“The greater the feeling of inferiority that has been experienced, the more powerful is the urge to conquest and the more violent the emotional agitation”. Alfred Adler

Men, ever since they are boys are usually told by the people that surround them: fathers, mothers, uncles, etc that boys don’t cry, boys are meant to be tough, boys shouldn’t display any sign of emotion, boys are men and should always be in charge….all these and many more i have heard about. It sure goes without saying that not all of them turn out to be “tough” or “in charge”. What we turn out to be is as a result of the circumstances we have faced, environment and other factors over the years. Some guys while growing up were abused physically and emotionally possibly because they lagged behind academically or socially and so they grow up with an unhealthy self esteem; what some people call an inferiority complex.

An inferiority complex is a strong feeling that you are not as good, important, or intelligent as other people. Some other words to describe this sense of inferiority complex: Not confident or shy and easily embarrassed; shy, uncertain, retiring, insecure, timid, inhibited, tentative, lost, unsure of yourself, ill at ease.

Earlier today, i had a counselling session with a lady who is in a relationship with a guy who has an inferiority complex, she didn’t know what the root of the problem was, she just discovered that they were having issues repeatedly. That session inspired the writing of this article. When you hear of men who beat up their wives, who repeatedly tell them that they’re the head of the house, that they wear the pants, all these are expressions of an inferiority complex.

Please note that not only men have inferiority complex, infact, women have it more. Today is for the guys. There are a number of ways to know if you have an inferiority complex. I’ll list a few of the symptoms:

1) A person with a low self esteem is overly pessimistic and/or critical.

In order to protect their own feelings, a person with low self-esteem often takes out their inner feelings on others. They become extremely critical, especially of those closest to them. They are often pessimistic, and can rarely see the positive in any situation, let alone hope for the best.

2) Love to Hear Compliments

A person with an inferiority complex always want others to be complimented for even the smallest of the achievements like how you look, how you worked on that article, what you have or what great work you have done. He is usually so desperate to hear that even if you do not get any comments, you start pouring in questions in order to receive compliments (more like fishing for comments), such as “Do you think I did great?” or “Do I look good tonight?”

3) Blaming others

Any mistake or failure committed on this person’s part is simply put on various external factors, such as poor luck, bad company, the environment in general, and so on. If you are not able to accept your mistake and instead, you hold the universe responsible for it, you are definitely suffering from inferiority complex.

4) Lack of Sportsmanship

Competitions where such a person is required to test his abilities against the others are always kept at bay. If he/she loses competitions, he feels he’s not good enough to compete with anyone. Hence, he does not take any step towards achieving success. On rare occasions, when he takes that step, chances are that he discourages himself saying that he can never achieve it even in his wildest dreams.

5) Finding Faults

This is a mindset for people with an inferiority complex. Since he cannot keep himself happy, he cannot accept others feeling happy as well. As such, he is constantly finding ways to point out other’s imperfections and making them feel bad about themselves. This is known as crab mentality, where we pull others down as well. In case you are one of such people, know for sure that you can never feel confident and superior, unless you stop competing with others, in this case, your wife, or wife to be.

A guy with all these symptoms and more after a while of being married; if he seems to be losing ground and needs to assert his authority will move to wife battery….beating her to submission. If you’re a guy that finished from a Polytechnic or didn’t even have a tertiary education at all and you feel threatened by a lady who did, it’s either you step up or pick a lady that won’t be a threat to you. A healthy self esteem is about being comfortable with who you are and where you’re going.

I’ll stop this here. In the Part 2 of this article, i’ll write on how this inferiority complex causes issues in marriage and how it can be overcome or minimized. Till then, have an amazing time this season!