Last weekend, one of my aburos got married. As usual, i was really excited! Of course, i saw her radiance and glow. I saw and could tell how happy they both were. It was a day they had looked forward to for a number of years when they first met. They were so excited you could feel it! That’s what you see in most wedding ceremonies, isn’t it? As i looked at them, i saw a couple who could give full expression to each other, with no holds barred from that day because they had been able to hold bodi till their wedding day.

When i was newly married, i didn’t know much about the sex drive. The need for learning became apparent when i discovered how divergent our views were on the topic. Today, i know that i had to go through that process of learning for myself, and several other people who needed what i lacked then.

In my bid to improve my financial status about 7years ago, i spent a lot of time reading related books. Then i read Napoleon’s Hill classic book, “Think and Grow Rich” and while the focus was finance, i made a very shocking discovery about the sex drive. Here’s are some excerpts:

“The desire for sex is the most powerful of human desires. “When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times.”

“Now, YOU can use SEX to purposely power up your brain and let your creative genius juices flow.

If it ain’t hot and hard already, stoke up the fire…

It’s a well known fact that most of the geniuses, creators, leaders and entrepreneurs of the past and present have very strong sex drives. If you are a bit ‘limp’ or ‘cold’ when it comes to sex, you need to take action and get your juices flowing again!”

As i read these words, i was in utter shock! I had never imagined sex had any other use other than fun and having children! I then began to understand some of the reasons why God created it in the first place and why he instructs that it happen within the context of marriage. That means if married couples had great sex, they should have amazing results, be really productive and even successful…that’s the design!

Whether the picture i just painted is what obtains is another matter entirely Men who stay faithful to their wives in marriage are extremely scarce; it’s so scarce, the issue is scary! Many men know the right thing to do, and some, having deprived themselves of this “heavenly experience” before marriage, have decided not to hold back but to have it to their fill! This article is to address the frustration of married men who have vowed to stay faithful to their wives, have done so till date and yet are like bachelors living with a roommate. There are married men who are consistently starved of sex by their wives in the name of different things. Let me be quick to say that i am not perfect, but understanding overtime has made the difference in my marriage. I usually would shy away from an article like this, but my heart reaches out to do my bit in salvaging a few marriages from the brink of a break up.

A lot of how a marriage turns out depends on the woman; and the area of sex is not exempted. I believe when a woman understands certain things, life will be easier for her. Here are a few of those things my darling woman:

1) Have you studied and do you understand your husband’s sex drive? Whose is more? What does he like? Or are you merely repeating the same mistakes and keep wondering why he’s always angry about sex?

2) You wonder why your husband asks for sex so often as if it’s food. Have you asked yourself, what if it is food to him? How can you work things out? It’s simple; by communication. Once there’s problem in sex in a marriage, it’s easily traced to a breakdown in communication…..the husband’s not happy about something and he’s keeping mute about it, or the wife wants things done in a particular way but doesn’t want to talk about it for fear of being misquoted. Once there are wrong assumptions or misunderstandings, the bedmatics department suffers malnutrition.

3) Do you know that starving your husband of sex for a prolonged period can drive him crazy, literarily? Don’t ask me if i’ve seen men like that

4) Do you know that if he’s not getting sex at home and goes out, he’ll bear the consequences, and you’ll not also be spared when the ripple effect sets in?

5) Do you know that once your sex life with your husband is comatose, the marriage almost doesn’t exist; otherwise, why not go live with just any guy if you’re not having sex with him? I think you can do every other thing with any other guy and it will be perfect, except sex. Sex is beautiful, perfect, devoid of guilt and consequences, only in marriage!

6) Do you know that if your husband is not sexually satisfied, it can greatly affect his all round productivity? His thinking is clearer when he’s satisfied.

7) Do you know that pregnancy is no reason why sex should stop? Except on doctor’s orders of course….Don’t use pregnancy as an excuse; it’s a blessing, not a disease.

Do you know that on the day a man got married, he believed that his “chasing” days were over; and so whenever you say no to him, it wounds him more than you know because of the ego that hates to be rejected or feel humiliated?

Today, i am on the men’s side. The next article will be in favour of the women. It’s called being balanced Watch this space!!!

There’s a trend i’ve noticed overtime. Certain people have had really tough times growing up. Some people sponsored themselves through school and sold everything imaginable to be able to raise funds to move past that phase of life. They finally struggle through school and graduate; then they submit CVs at different places in search of a job to no avail. After a few years of job hunting, luck shines on them. They get a good paying job and their lives begin to change! They start settling down. It’s then payback time; time to buy everything they were deprived of while growing up, time to shame poverty! They look to the future and tell themselves they never want to be faced with any of such ugly memories.

After working for a number of years, they have a nice array of toys…..a nice car, well furnished apartment, all the gadgets, and for the wardrobe, all designer things, from shirts to belt to ties to perfumes….they’re absolutely loving the life and want it to go on.

Then, it’s time to pick a wife. Based on the desire to keep the new phase of life in view, he goes for the designer loving wife who absolutely is all about what she wants and what quality or make it is. They both seem to be getting along fine….she’s clean, he’s clean, they fit!

One of the most glaring things about such people is a clear lack of substance; they’re empty. All that goes through their minds is how to keep up with the Joneses, populate their expense column by buying and using things that show off their “status”. They have no deep seated dream that covers anyone apart from themselves. They have no plan for the future, one thing they have mastered, is spending to get what they want in order to be able to show off.

Some of the ladies in this category want to ensure that the guy has “everything” before they finally agree to marry him (what’s your use when he has it all and is “made”?) After marriage, they will not take care of the basic needs of the home, but will save up for a designer shoe or handbag. You won’t catch them buying a book on personal development, but they’ll owe to buy aso ebi. Their sense of value is weak and it shows in the quality of their decisions.

When they get married, kids start coming and they start school, it’s another opportunity to show off by putting them in schools with exhorbitant fees. They buy designer things for them for school, borrow to get them on vacation with other kids, but default in paying school fees. They’re constantly suffering from misplaced priorities.

Guys and ladies, be real. Invest in knowledge, so you can create wealth for the future. The designer things you blow the money you don’t have on is the manufacturer’s way of earning huge income off you. Create your own! Women, don’t be materialistic; else, your hubby will soon get tired of your spending and keep things from you. Develop yourself to be an asset to your spouse (have content, not just beauty); he/she will respect you more that way.

Last month, i wrote an article stating clearly reasons why some people are not ready for marriage. I remember i said i would continue in another article; and if this starts getting lengthy, we’ll have to continue in yet another article

There are a couple of things to look out for, first within yourself, then in the prospective spouse. Those things should give you the red flag as to whether the readiness for marriage exists. Here goes:
1) If the person is a loner, i.e. has no friends at all, he/she has people issues. You can’t verify how he/she deals with people based on history of relationships, you don’t need verification with a lifetime committment. This is a major issue….run!
2) If after you have both commenced a proper relationship, he/she is not proud/excited to introduce you to friends, family and colleagues and it happens consistently, it’s indicative of different things. You’re too special to be a Plan B…move!

3) If as a lady, the guy insists that you get pregnant for him before a wedding date is fixed; i have a problem with that. He doesn’t trust you sufficiently, is selfish and so doesn’t deserve handing over your future into his hands. Some people might give excuses for this, but i would say no. What is he out to prove?

4) If he talks to you rudely and doesn’t welcome your opinions, you’ll end up frustrated in marriage. There’s no point going ahead with such a man.

5) If the guy regularly demands that you promise never to leave him, he’s insecure and will read meanings to business and regular relationships you have with other guys; he needs to grow out of the insecurity.

6) If almost every discussion has to feature his mother and what she thinks about issues, run! You’re about to be a second wife to a domineering mother-in-law! He’s a Mama’s boy!

7) If he slaps/beats his younger ones/domestic staff regularly, you’re about to enrol into a boxing match where you’ll be the punching bag!

If he/she believes in spending whatever you have today with no need to plan for tomorrow, you might be preparing for a poor future….he/she needs financial education!

9) If he/she keeps refering to his past relationship and how amazing it was, you might be running a race you may never win….beat it!

10) If he insists that God told him clearly to marry you without any need for courtship, don’t fall for that, he’ll soon tell you more junk; tell him you’re waiting for God to tell you. After marriage, he’ll start by telling you that God has set aside some days to have sex….lol

I have to catch some sleep some. I’m sure this will help someone. Please let your head and heart be actively involved in your emotional decisions. You should have someone you bounce your thoughts off as well.

As you keep marriage in 2012 in view, keep first things first, ensure your head is working, with eyes open!

Have an amazing week ahead!

I’ll be dedicating this article to a particular group of guys. They treat ladies with respect, have a healthy sense of humor, they don’t womanize; have almost no vices, so they naturally attract the average lady. They are a unique set of people who by their action or inaction, have done more harm than good but are ready to argue in their defense.

Many of such guys today are already in their mid thirties or forties but are yet to be married. Every other thing seems very ok with them, except the carefully disguised fear of commitment. They get close to a particular lady, talk about almost everything but never ask her out. The lady feels comfortable with the guy, enjoys the flow, and looks forward to him popping the big question. When his friends see him with the lady a number of times, they start teasing him and asking how far, but he’s quick to tell them they’re just friends and nothing more. He simply messes around with ladies’ emotions and leaves them heartbroken and bitter.

My dear ladies, i feel your pain. I assume of course, that the person who you have been that close to is someone you can be willing to spend the rest of your life with. Once you have gone past age 25 and this guy has been close to you for about a year but has not declared his thoughts or intentions, please ask him what’s up, so you don’t waste your time. If he gets evasive after one or two attempts at asking him, just give him some space and move on, for your own good. Don’t deceive yourself by feeling good where there is “no hope”.

When you confront such guys about why they’re not yet married or in a defined relationship, they tell you about the lady they should’ve married years back who is now married, or they say they have not really found the type of lady they want. How bad can it be? What sort of person are you that you have not found the kind of lady you want? The guys in question are also quick to heave a big of relief when they see another person’s marriage having problems. They’re thankful and use that as justification for their not having gotten married yet.

To run away from commitment is to lack a sense of responsibility. Growing up is about stepping into uncertain territories with confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way. Knowing that millions of people have gone through the same route and still standing tall should show that it’s not a life threatening situation. Tell yourself that you will do all you must to have a great marriage. Be emotionally and mentally prepared. After all, marriage is not a one man show and there are no hawks waiting for you to fail (maybe there are, if you give them the permission to strike), i guess everyone is busy trying to work theirs out! I am yet to see marriage superstars; everyone that has a successful home has had their fair share of humbling experiences and leanings.

I understand as well without being judgmental, that guys who run away from commitment have seen so many failed marriages and so have become wary of it. Have you ever thought actually, that it’s not marriages that fail, but it’s people that fail? Be the best you can, ensure you are a gift to the person you will marry and look for a person who can be a gift to you too. A good marriage is a product of 2 people who have decided to make it happen. Throw away the wrong mindset, and decide to have a good marriage. I grew up hearing my mum saying “my marriage must work”; i used to wonder what she was saying. Now, i understand. If you’re willing to give commitment, you will have a happy marriage.

Marriage is a school, and an opportunity for a better you. Don’t be afraid of commitment. You need to embrace a process that will work on you, an opportunity to love and be accountable for someone; to be a role model and a coach to your family in the near future. Go for it; believe in yourself, you can do it!

The very thought of the genesis of this article brings some interesting memories to mind. Life in secondary school formed the crux of who i am today. I made some amazing relationships with people from all strata of society. Remarkable as well, was the fact that i developed a personal relationship with God when i was in JS 1. After that, i got heavily involved in fellowship and church activities. I was a full boarding house student, and functioned in several units in the school fellowship back then where i met several kinds of people, some of them were more carefree than others, who were a bit more rigid, some even got extreme. Just like expected in the fellowship, there was a lot of emphasis on putting our absolute trust and faith in God and not depend on our own understanding. Based on this teaching, there was a trend i noticed among the fellowship people in adherence to this teaching.

As far as academics was concerned, ardent fellowship brethren believed strongly that since they have the excellent mind and nature of God, it was impossible to fail. Some of them gave very little seriousness to their academics and performed way below their capabilities. I tried to balance things up, but it still affected me a bit as well. I came out with a good result, but i could have done better.

I went ahead to the University and discovered that it was slightly worse, because the average person had the freedom to do whatever he/she wanted to; no curfew by parents or guardians. So, people spent too much time in church/fellowship and even exceed necessary time there; some people functioned in several units and even boasted about it, quoting that when you get involved in God’s business, he will get involved in yours. Some eventually had an extra semester/session and that could have been avoided. This attitude carried on for a protracted period has made a number of Christians lazy…..mentally and in having no drive to work at something till it pulls through.

Many Christians are churned out of school and are totally unprepared for the market place. They’re out of touch with happenings in the corporate world as well as the business world, current affairs/politics, etc so they really have very little relevance in society. It’s worse when it’s guys that fall into this mould. It’s not funny when Christian guys have become mentally lazy and lack sufficient drive and will and staying power to ensure they succeed. That’s why some people see no need becoming christians; they are doing clearly better than most of them!

What i see missing is shifting responsibility to God instead of taking it. It’s very clear in the message translation of the bible which i’ve fallen in love with, that God expects man to take responsibility for everything he has created, but they, seeing God as sovereign and omnipotent, have believed that they need to make just a little effort and have maximum results. Guys, God is a hardworker. The earth we live in, and the quality of the entire creation confirms it; moreso, the quality of capacity he has put in mind to imagine a thing and make it happen. He is all powerful, but he has given man the opportunity to choose. He’s also a God of process; that’s why he created seed. The seed has the inbuilt capacity, in time, to become a forest with cultivation, weeding and nurturing. That’s the same way God expects us to function; to understand that there are no shortcuts or miracle breakthrough without a lot of hard work.

Many successful ladies, on discovering that their boyfriends are not taking their vocation/financial future opt out fast; and for ladies who feel their time is running out and so still go ahead with marriage, they eventually disrespect their husbands. I met an elderly woman who wanted to sell her almost 30year old business. She said anytime she had to travel out and left her husband to help manage the business, things always went down. He simply lacked the skills or discipline to make it work and she lamented that he was never interested in developing himself, i found it hard to ask her if he really does anything. Now, their children are in their twenties and she has worked all her life to keep the home up and doing. Now, she’s tired and wants to sell the business since all the children are out of school. I also noticed she doesn’t like talking about him….hmm

Ladies, please don’t marry a lazy guy; am not stating categorically that he must be rich. Money will however always flow in the direction of the person who offers value. Any guy who can’t be on his toes always will make you as a woman work so hard, and you’ll get tired with time.

Christian guys, don’t be lazy. Everything you need to succeed, you have. You simply need a lot of hardwork, not giving up, self belief, taking responsibility and leadership to be the man. Spend time to grow what you have. The supernatural is meant to give wings to the exceptional skills you have spent time and commitment to build. I once placed orders for some things from a business guy and he gave me a date for delivery. I had to call him twice for delivery. Up till now, he’s yet to deliver them. That was the second time that was going to happen. Afterwards, i heard someone say that he spends his weekdays in church prayer meetings; i wondered what he was looking for endlessly at prayer meetings when there was ready market for his products. Get your priorities right; God tells us clearly to mind our business; men will patronize us, not angels. I dare say even the church finds your presence more valuable when you’re financially independent and responsible

Have a workful and productive 2012!

Happy New Year! I’m sure many of you have written out your goals and have started working towards making them happen. I know some of us have “to get married by so so time” as one of such goals. Infact, some of the people with such goals have fixed dates “in faith” and don’t even have a partner yet!

Having said that, many people venture into marriage without being prepared. Don’t go into it simply because you have advanced in age or your friends are now daddies or mummies. Many people need clarity as to how to measure if indeed they’re ready for marriage. The major preparation towards marriage has to happen in the mind. When there’s understanding as to  what it entails, unrealistic expectations will fly out of the window and a person will act wisely.

Are you really ready for marriage? I’ll highlight clearly a few points that you can use to measure if you are ready for marriage or not. Be informed that the list is inexhaustible and we’ll look at more points in the course of the year:

1) If you believe strongly that you must always have the last say in an argument, you’re not ready for marriage.

2) If you don’t like anyone invading your space, you’re not ready.

3) If you’re a lady, and you don’t cook or don’t like to, your marriage is not likely to be easy or funny.

4) If you always say things exactly how they come to your mind not caring who is hurt, you’re headed for a rocky and ultimately likely to crash marriage.

5) If you believe that you’re who you are and no one can change that, you’re not ready.

6) If you think about others only when you’ve fully sorted yourself out, you’re not ready.

7) If you are so good at holding a grudge and you’ll only let go when you feel like, stay unmarried.

8 If you’re a man and you’re not engaged in ventures or a process in time that can financially take care of your immediate family and beyond, you need to give yourself a few more years to be ready.

9) If you believe that women at best should be good in bed and kitchen affairs only, you’ll end up having a bitter and subdued wife; stay away.

10) If your mind can’t conceive the thought of having a more successful wife, even if it’s temporary, then you have a little growing up to do. Welcome to the real world, stuff happens.

11) If as a man, you’re easily swayed and pressurized to do things against your wish, you’re not ready for marriage.

12) If you have no confidence in your capability and your future, you have no business taking someone else with you.

13) If as a man, you don’t have a mentor or leader you follow, listen or defer to, you’re not going to be able to lead your family.

14) If you can’t have a wedding ceremony within a budget you can personally afford, give yourself more time. Who says you can’t have 20 guests or less at your wedding? Cut your coat according to your cloth and take responsibility. As a man, you can define how small or large you want your wedding ceremony to be and be able to handle it.

15) If you have an anger problem such that you can destroy things when you’re angry, get a therapist to help you through managing it. Otherwise, engage God’s help for the change you seek. With anger issues, you’re disaster waiting to explode.

Are you really ready for marriage? Are you an old boy or a man? Are you an old girl or a lady? Are you matured? Are you emotionally stable?

Watch out for batch 2 of this article. Chew on these points and equip yourself with knowledge that will give you a healthy and balanced mindset as regards marriage. You want to get into marriage and not have to experience shocks

Have a great day and a great year!

2011. What a year! I made a commitment at the beginning of the year that i would write many more articles and post weekly; alas, i failed you! I got distracted by several things. I started writing articles several times and never got around to finishing them. I’m sorry. I am taking this time, barely one and half hours into the new year to share something with my readers; i know it will help some people put into perspective, a major subject like going into marriage in the new year.

Over a week ago, i was in an event where a young lady was asked what she wanted in a guy she would get married to. Amongst other things, she said she wanted an affluent guy. I had blurted out before i caught myself. I said my hubby now was everything but rich.

After the event, i looked back at where i was coming from. When i was in school, i had a group of friends and most of us were in serious relationships in our penultimate to final year.  I constantly felt odd then because i was the only one who was in a serious relationship with a “fellow student”.  He was certainly not from a comfortable home but always thought big and took risks. He was driven. By the time he was out of University, he had done several businesses. Infact, i remember then being given money as a gift by my parents to buy a car on graduation, he persuaded me that we could do business with it and not buy a liability. I believed him, and we went ahead; even though am not sure if the business went well. We sure had some others that went well. My parents constantly asked about the car they gave me money for, i told them it wasn’t enough to buy the car i wanted and i had invested it. My sisters cruised around with their cars.

Today, i look back and wonder what would’ve happened if i threw him away because he was not yet stable or ready. Some of the rich guys my colleagues dated then had some really rough times in business, and lost a lot of money, some of their businesses crashed, one or two were implicated at work and lost their jobs. That was a reality check for me. Some of those guys are just finding their feet after several years. In my relationship, we have been through several phases, but we never started big, grown together, i have learnt to abase and abound. I can survive under any condition; and God has favoured me and us.

Please get me right. I’m not saying jump on any guy purely based on hope simply because your goal says 2012 is your marital year. If the guy hanging around you is lazy or laid back, run! If hoping is the only thing he’s doing, run from him as well. Some ladies are in relationships for years and the guy has not been able to give anything to the lady, nothing at all; run o! If things don’t change, howbeit gradually for the guy in years, waka! Else, you’ll need to be prepared to fend for him all through your married life. Things must not always be one sided. If the guy has friends whose lifestyles or dreams are not motivating, run!

I sincerely pray for the best for you in 2012, and encourage you to get counsel when you’re confused. Every human being has the power of choice. Choose wisely; understanding that we can’t afford to judge a person by the present alone; certain attributes and association will tell you the person who is going somewhere. Is he rich today? Was that the main attraction? It may not always be so for him; can you stay with him if things change for bad? Can he bounce back legitimately if things go bad?  Think deeply, then act.

See more of me in 2012!

I was once in a couples’ meeting and it was question time. A lady who was there with her husband got up to ask a question. She complained bitterly about how the husband went everywhere with his phone, including the toilet! She said he slept with the phone under the pillow and never lost sight of it. She said she was almost sure that the husband was not cheating on her but was curious to know what the obsession was with the phone. She went ahead though, to say she had gotten hold of the phone at some point and read it, and discovered that the husband had loaned someone some money without informing her. She had apparently nagged about the issue a dozen times, little wonder she came to talk about it in a large meeting!

I believe that women take a lot of things that we want to scream about; but with a lot of patience, we can handle things better. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened when they got back home after the couples’ meeting…..chai!

Trust is earned; but we need to give it. We need to hold ourselves from being reactive to issues, even when we feel justified and right. We need to communicate our fears to our husbands in a non threatening way, they’re not monsters. We also need to tell them everything, without holding back, believing that one day, they’ll find it “safe” to share freely. It’s a lot of work.

Nagging is irritating, trust me, you don’t want to be on the giving end. You just might shut out your man from giving without holding back. Have you ever left a note carelessly around where he can see it? And in the note you have things you admire about him, even the ones that are yet to become his reality? Having a great marriage is a test of creativity with a good balance of patience and tact.

Perhaps, you want to give practical ideas on how best she should’ve handled her husband’s phone obsession? Let’s hear it….

Have a great week!

I love the message translation of the bible. I stumbled on this passage two days ago and decided to publish it for everyone to see. I always wonder what Jesus would’ve done to the church as it is today, if these were those days…..the people he would be rolling with, the things he would outrightly condemn and “born again christians” would be against him for….i wonder, just wonder! Can you read the article below with an open, simple English Language mind? You’ll be amazed what Jesus stood for and what he outrightly condemned; it doesn’t matter your religion abeg, read on! I’ll highlight a few statement for emphasis. I’ll like to have your thoughts after this.

“The religion scholars and Pharisees are competent teachers in God’s Law. You won’t go wrong in following their teachings on Moses. But be careful about following them. They talk a good line, but they don’t live it. They don’t take it into their hearts and live it out in their behavior. It’s all spit-and-polish veneer.

^4-7“Instead of giving you God’s Law as food and drink by which you can banquet on God, they package it in bundles of rules, loading you down like pack animals. They seem to take pleasure in watching you stagger under these loads, and wouldn’t think of lifting a finger to help. Their lives are perpetual fashion shows, embroidered prayer shawls one day and flowery prayers the next. They love to sit at the head table at church dinners, basking in the most prominent positions, preening in the radiance of public flattery, receiving honorary degrees, and getting called ‘Doctor’ and ‘Reverend.’

^8-10“Don’t let people do that to you, put you on a pedestal like that. You all have a single Teacher, and you are all classmates. Don’t set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do. Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do. No one else should carry the title of ‘Father’; you have only one Father, and he’s in heaven. And don’t let people maneuver you into taking charge of them. There is only one Life-Leader for you and them—Christ.

^11-12“Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.

Frauds!

¹³“I’ve had it with you! You’re hopeless, you religion scholars, you Pharisees! Frauds! Your lives are roadblocks to God’s kingdom. You refuse to enter, and won’t let anyone else in either.

¹⁵“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You go halfway around the world to make a convert, but once you get him you make him into a replica of yourselves, double-damned.

^16-22“You’re hopeless! What arrogant stupidity! You say, ‘If someone makes a promise with his fingers crossed, that’s nothing; but if he swears with his hand on the Bible, that’s serious.’ What ignorance! Does the leather on the Bible carry more weight than the skin on your hands? And what about this piece of trivia: ‘If you shake hands on a promise, that’s nothing; but if you raise your hand that God is your witness, that’s serious’? What ridiculous hairsplitting! What difference does it make whether you shake hands or raise hands? A promise is a promise. What difference does it make if you make your promise inside or outside a house of worship? A promise is a promise. God is present, watching and holding you to account regardless.

^23-24“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God’s Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment—the absolute basics!—you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that’s wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

^25-26“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.

^27-28“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You’re like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it’s all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you’re saints, but beneath the skin you’re total frauds.

^29-32“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You build granite tombs for your prophets and marble monuments for your saints. And you say that if you had lived in the days of your ancestors, no blood would have been on your hands. You protest too much! You’re cut from the same cloth as those murderers, and daily add to the death count.

^33-34“Snakes! Reptilian sneaks! Do you think you can worm your way out of this? Never have to pay the piper? It’s on account of people like you that I send prophets and wise guides and scholars generation after generation—and generation after generation you treat them like dirt, greeting them with lynch mobs, hounding them with abuse.

^35-36“You can’t squirm out of this: Every drop of righteous blood ever spilled on this earth, beginning with the blood of that good man Abel right down to the blood of Zechariah, Barachiah’s son, whom you murdered at his prayers, is on your head. All this, I’m telling you, is coming down on you, on your generation.

^37-39“Jerusalem! Jerusalem! Murderer of prophets! Killer of the ones who brought you God’s news! How often I’ve ached to embrace your children, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you wouldn’t let me. And now you’re so desolate, nothing but a ghost town. What is there left to say? Only this: I’m out of here soon. The next time you see me you’ll say, ‘Oh, God has blessed him! He’s come, bringing God’s rule!’”

May God’s kingdom come and His will be done on this earth!

In the past one decade at least, things have advanced generally, fashion has become more important as various things, including getting a job and retaining it as well as access to places where business deals can be closed are linked to one’s appearance. Phones, cars and laptops have become more shapely and attractive; and this has affected the taste of guys when it comes to their choice in relationships.

Many guys who were deprived growing up are on the lookout for ladies who’ve got taste, as against a woman who is particular about her roles as a wife and mother in the home. I remember an instance of a guy who grew up in a poor home. He was fortunate as he grew up to associate with people who motivated and helped him grow in every way; his pocket and taste also grew. Around that time, he was in a relationship with a lady who the average guy will love to have; she had good character, a good job, and was a good cook! She wasn’t particularly the type to initiate the need to go eat out or hang out or go to the movies and all. After a while, he dumped her, saying she was “too domesticated”.

He later met a ‘sophisticated’ lady who had a foreign background and met his new status and who he could ‘show off’; they had fun hanging out and tripping around. Shortly after they met, they got married. A few months down the line, they started having issues. He discovered she couldn’t cook at all and was too independent. In his words, he said she could not even boil rice well. He had to start eating out and now, they’re separated.

It’s too much work attempting to get married to someone whose background or lifestyle is too different from ours. Those relationships are called high maintenance relationships; and on the day one person gets tired or feels cheated that he/she is the only one making the compromises, things begin to fall apart. I know a few guys who, when I met who they intend to marry, felt sorry for the guys in advance. A younger friend toasted a lady who told him before hand that she cannot suffer at all and needed to have ACs in every part of the home including the kitchen and he still went ahead with her!

Another lady always insisted that her boyfriend needed to get her into chartered cabs all the time; she also kicked against his getting a line that would help them talk for free, and that if he loved her, he would spend on her, no matter the amount. Another lady who demanded a 42” Plasma TV told the guy she wanted either that or nothing! I noticed that most guys seem to lack the capacity to see these pointers and go headlong, only to start having issues after.

Guys, before you go ahead with that lady, please pause and think. Some women insist on going on vacation even when the family is working on projects; they want the latest phones or jewelry or whatever; and the men work all their lives to satisfy them and to avoid nagging. Guys, before you go ahead with that relationship, engage the thoughts of an older, respected, woman. Stop looking for fantasy ladies; you can make your virtuous lady as fashionable and sexy as you want her to be after marriage. Look before you leap!