How often have you heard the saying, “Time Changes people?” I decided to take a good look at that saying and concluded that it’s not absolutely true. It’s the experiences that a person has over time that changes them. Some people get bolder and more courageous based on experiences they’ve had that made them feel as if they were taken advantage of; and some people get more “subdued” and more careful based on experiences they’ve had in which what they said perpetually put them into trouble. Some people however, learn to speak with more caution and tact.

I remember when i was much younger; especially in my early teenage years, I and my mum hardly agreed about our perspectives towards many things. We had perpetual issues and it took me a long time to discover why; am sure it took her a long while too. Our temperaments are veeeery different, like north and south pole In fact, it was as if she spoke purposely to hurt me. I was so quiet and withdrawn and she was always irritated by the fact that i kept so much to myself. I on the other hand, felt “disturbed” that she went on and on about my not talking and so on. Slowly, she began to understand that my temperament was very much like her husband’s who she had grown used to for almost 2 decades then. Why do i say that? She began to give excuses for me as per my actions or the lack of it. Then, i began to see her in another light; along the line, i came across materials which made me see and appreciate our differences. It was a “long” period of discovery but we’re both better for it today. Infact, we’re very close now.

Along the line, she had a relationship with God which has grown over the years and this has also helped her develop a spirit controlled temperament. She’s got few but Godly, value driven and principled  friends. Today, i look back at my mum and appreciate the fact that her relationships, several experiences she’s had, at home, work, business, with in-laws, siblings and so on have shaped her into the person she is today, very much experienced and a woman of much fewer words that are full of wisdom.

We’re all work in progress, and need to appreciate every phase we’re in as contributing to a better us. The delays, the pressures, the frustrations, the anxieties, all constitute the fire that makes us set into being the final artwork, which God intends to be a masterpiece, His masterpiece.

So, there are 2 key things we must not lose sight of, always:

1) A healthy relationship with God: This is the only dependable, infallible option which shapes us inside out, inspite of our experiences.

2) Healthy, Godly relationships and friendships; these determine the quality of counsel we’ll get when in need, and therefore the quality of decisions and actions we take.

Therefore; time is a function of who we’re rolling with which affect our experiences and ultimately, our story. It’s so funny that our “story” is a combination of how we spend each day. I was gisting with a friend recently who told me that if he had worked and stayed around the people who he grew up with (that would’ve been his direction, by default); he was almost very sure that his life, by now, would have been messed up. Time changes people, yes, but what’s happening during that time?

Finally, my site is back! First, i must apologize to my friends that have been trying to access my site for some time. Am so sorry. Now my site is back, and with a new, less boring look. Welcome to the new, improved, topeakinyemi.com.

To get things rolling, i’ll post an article from Deoluakinyemi.com. It captures more accurately my experience in the last vacation i had barely a week ago. It was indeed simply amazing. Read on…..

It’s been unduly long since I wrote, I’ve been on a hectic vacation schedule, and it has been difficult to spare 1hr in front of my computer and realy write something to my taste. My mind has beeen shifting back and forth on different topics. I’ve been mostly on the move as well, so there is a load of information that I have recieved on these amazing 7 days on the exotic laps of luxury. It’s exciting enjoying the vacation that others only dream about, take my word for it, tourism is higher education. This year seems an adventure already, courtesy of Holidays and Cash, we’ll be doing Sun City this month as well, Spain around the corner, Thailand and Las Vegas. Don’t die in the rut of running a marathon race with your life, rather enlist in a relay race, and enjoy your life.

There are quite a number of topics struggling for priority attention in my mind. I will simply write about them all, and then do the diligence of expanding the write-up as passion becomes available. I will jump from topics that don’t seem connected, but the thread that will join them all together are valuable wisdom nuggets that we can take away and add to our lives. Welcome through the lenses of my eyes, lightly tinted by my development bias into the world of India. With 36 million gods and religions, a population above 1 billion, host community of one of the wonders of the world – The Taj Mahal and rich historical content, I welcome you to Incredible India!

Five Star Service

Experiencing a few days in the Galaxy Hotel in New Delhi, redefined service for me. Experiencing the treatment of the staff of this hotel, made it apparent that 5 stay was not only about the building and the structure of the rooms. It wasn’t only about having a massager in one’s room, or having a real Jacuzzi and enjoying bubble baths. 5 star was very much the building as well as the service. The average scenery in India is worse than what you’ll see on Nigerian streets, they are many, and many are poor. Once you step into the hotel however you are in a different world. The staff don’t watch you passby, they literally stand up to greet you at your instance. Extremely respectful and helpful, it’s difficult to know who calls the shots among them. At the dining, you are chocked with support, they want you to be pleased like their job depended on it. It’s like every minute counts or like someone is always watching them. Getting to Agra and lodging in the JP Hotel was another 5 star treatment, 5hrs away from New Delhi and it confirmed to me that 5 star was matched with 5 star treatment, irrespective of location. Are you offering your clients 5 star service?
 
36 Million gods

I felt it was riddiculous when I was told that there are as much as 36 million gods in India. Doesn’t that mean that every group of 30 people have one god each? It’s amazing how the indians have converted almost any form into a god. I have never seen cows as well fed and chubby as the ones in India. They don’t eat cows because for supplying milk for children they are seen as gods. In India, you can’t kill a cow . I also heard that if you do too many miracles as a pastor in India, you can be made one of their gods . Thinking deeply about having so many gods however brought me to take a look back to my country. In this age of “my pastor said”, this age of “my man of God”, are we also not having close to 36 million god forms? In India they worship all forms, but many of our people have reneged their powers of thought and their personal walks with God, with the idolatory of keeping their eyes on men rather than on God. Idolatory in the 21st century is not necessarily bowing before a golden calf. Idolatory is the process of idolizing anything – a Sportsman, an entertainer, a pastor, a car, money – anything. Whatever wins you place your pedestal and wins your time and attention is becoming a god to you. Idolatory is stealing God’s glory. Whatever you refer to for what God ought to be refered to, is an idol. What are your idols?

Transgenerational Achievement

I don’t know if it’s coincidence that the bible talks about wise men from the east (Asia). It seems that Asians are wise indeed. One thing that stands in your face if you care to pay attention, is how families have been able to hand over their businesses down generations. I met quite a number of people whose businesses were what was handed down to them across 2 or more generations. We met an artist whose works is simply beyond this world, a concept called needing painting. The artist uses needles and threads of different colours to create 

a picture that looks like a painting and is at times three dimensional (Trust me, you need to see it to fully grasp this). What I find extrememly interesting is that 4 generations after, the great grand children have added education to thiers and are taking over the baton from their fathers. Even in a shop full of gift items, you hear the 50+ year old shop owner proudly telling you that his grandfather sold in the same shop in 1950. It’s not only big companies that should have succession plans, even small shops can. Once we get it right in a small model, it won’t be difficult to make happen on the bigger base. A wise man leaves an inheritance for his Childrens children. What are you building that will outlive you? Your job will not! Don’t push this thought till tomorrow, start building something today, and build them on the right values. The only house that will stand the test of time, is the one built upon the solid rock.

Love or Immortality?

There is a theme I’m seeing these days, it seems to me, that the themes that make up the greatest tourist attractions in the world have to do with either love or immortality. One would think that the pyramids of Egypt were economic monuments, they are not. They are tombs that someone who wanted some form of immortality built. If you haven’t seen the pyramids, this might not bite so hard on your mind, but trust me, these monster structures are so big, it’s difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that it’s merely a tomb! The pyramids are getting mileage off of immortality. The Burj Dubai is a demonstration of love, it was designed to be the tallest building in the world, shaped like a felt pen. It was a gift between the Abu Dhabi Emirate and the Dubai Emirate. It’s mileage is off of Love. Taj Mahal however combined these two in an interesting way. The Taj Mahal is simply a tomb that man (Emperor Shah Jahan) built for the wife he loved the most. History has it that this was the only wife that gave him children, and the wife died during the childbirth of the 14th child. The Taj mahal was built to be the final resting place of his beloved wife. The Taj Mahal is a monsterous marble structure with 4 gates that are also major construction works. The symmetery in the architecture is thrilling. According to a popular myth 20,000 people worked relentlessly for 16 years to build the Taj Mahal and their hands were all dismembered so that the can never build another one like it. 2-4 million people visit the Taj Mahal annually. Men made themselves relevant beyond their times by building physical monuments. Today is our turn to build, and we can build physically, economically even spiritually. When the curtains draw on time, and the gap between now and eternity is bridged, what will you have lived for? In what ways will your sacrifices of love be felt, and what themes are going to surround your immortality.
 

Namaste!

The Egyptians put their hands together in front of them like a prayer clap, bow down their heads and say Namaste. It means, I’m bowing to the divine power on your inside. Everyone of us has a seed of greatness in us. This seed has within it the harvest of many possibilities. You are guaranteed to be great, to be big to be mighty upon the earth. Except this seed however takes the risk of losing itself and follows it’s intuition to do that for which it was made, it will abide alone. In closing to you today, I say Namaste!

This title has been on my mind for almost 2 full weeks now; funny enough, certain events came up that made my deciding to write and post the article not the best thing to do. But then, i decided to take a look at the things i had been reminded about gratitude and i told myself it was the more reason why i needed to write about it.

Unlike the conventional meaning of gratitude, i’ll like to share a richer, deeper meaning with us. Gratitude involves the whole process of mental adjustment, of tuning the mind such that the mind is drawn into closer touch with God, from whom all blessings come. That process of mind adjustment and fixation creates a positive atmosphere that can attract only the best. For us to live in a world that is truly limitless in terms of possibilities, our gratitude has to be strong and continous, then, the movement of things we want will be always towards us.

We have heard and we can see already that in 2010, you won’t need to think at all to see reasons to be dissatisfied, if not personally, then, maybe about the nation or any other thing. The moment you permit your mind to dwell with dissatisfaction upon things as they are, you begin to lose ground. Jesus Christ never did without giving thanks before performing any miracle, even when he knew he could perform them. There’s a connection between gratitude and power; the more power you can exercise when you have an attitude of gratitude because your faith is strengthened.

I have decided to make gratitude an anchor for my soul this year so that my faith will be strengthened, and i can attract the things God has already made available to me. When men say there’s a casting down, i’ll say there’s a lifting up for me. So, even though i have a list of goals, i have just one new year goal….maintain an attitude of gratitude (that’s enough work!)

Happy new year!

2009 has been an amazingly peculiar year. Filled with hopes (both dashed and realized ones), challenges, fun, lots of intrigues as well as loads of learnings. I’ve learnt more this year about business than i have in my past 4yrs in the world of business. I’ve had ups, downs, highs and lows; but in all, am grateful to God.

In the course of this year, i’ve met the highest number of new people than any other year; i was opportuned to travel to two fresh countries on vacation, etc. Also, in this year, i lost a loved one, my mother in law. My level of responsibility this year quadrupled and i multitasked seriously at home and at work. There’s an adage in Yoruba that means that “An adult/elderly person who doesn’t get angry is the one with many children”. I have learnt patience more than ever, and a good control 0f my response when am angry. I’ll categorically say that this year, i’ve become a better person.

I’ve learnt to worry less and pray more, i have also learnt the power of saying the promptings that God gives me as i experience them. God leads us so that we will avoid errors and make accurate decisions, i have a few regrets of things that wouldn’t have happened if i had spoken out; but then, i believe God’s word that says that all things work together for good for me….

I have learnt, even though am still working on looking and acting excited in the midst of adverse circumstances. Am working on applying the principle of gratitude in getting results and answers to prayer. I’ve learnt to see challenges as part of the process that makes my success story.

As the year winds up, i count my blessings; study, stay in the place of prayer, stay with visionary and positive people, stay grateful as i look forward to 2010 with excitement. From my level of preparation, and with God’s grace, i see an amazing 2010 ahead.

I’ll wrap up this article with a quote i saw again yesterday, let it drive your actions and motives in the year ahead:

“Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough….give the world the best you’ve got anyway,

You see, in the final analysis, it’s between you and God…..it was never between you and them anyway” – Mother Theresa
Let God be and remain your motivation this new year. It will be worth it; then,and only then can we achieve success that will last.

Can you see i’ve learnt so much? Check out the graduation attire (thank God the carryovers were waivered till 2010, so we made it) and sure, i have a learning partner Happy new year in advance!

I’ve been getting this question quite a lot these days, and I’m ashamed I have to type a fresh mail everytime because there is no document that simply addresses this question. Not anymore, In the next few lines, I’ll explain, how to be a part of the Global Holidays and Cash Family. The questions on why you should be a member are also already answered in the following already written posts.

1.  http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/bankers-ticketing-agents-and-sewing-machines/

2.  http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/spectators-are-less-than-losers/

3.  http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/response-to-a-sincere-letter/

4.  http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/before-its-in-the-news/

5.  http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/where-will-you-be-at-65/

6.  http://www.deoluakinyemi.com/thank-you-dearie/

If you read the above, perhaps it will answer a few of your questions on why you need to be involved with Holidays and Cash, they are not very direct though, so maybe after I have done this, I’ll still do a direct – why you should be involved with Holidays and Cash. For now though, here is how.

Step 1. Pay for your privilege pack prepaid voucher.

Go to any of the Holidays and Cash Banks and Pay a sum of $250 or N40,000 to purhcase a privilege pack. Once you have made payment, keep your teller number and go to www.holidaysandcash.com/vouchers/ni to fill in your details. You can pay for as many prepaid vouchers you want, but you only need one for yourself. Once you have filled the form on the  page of buy prepaid vouchers, you will get a prepaid voucher in your email within 30mins provided the deposit reflects in the account. This step is only required if you don’t have a credit card, if you do have a credit card, you do not need step 1.

Bank Details are available on http://www.holidaysandcash.com/vouchers/ni/cash.html

Step 2. Buy your privilege pack

Buying your privilege pack gives you the right to be an international distributor with Holidays and Cash. The privilege pack is a pack of privileges – Discount Travel, Educational Materials, Wholesale prices on consumer goods e.t.c. To buy the privilege pack, simply access the Holidays and Cash site via the username of your sponsor. This is www.holidaysandcash.com/username. Once this link displays click “Buy Now”. The “buy now” instruction will take you to a registeration page which you are required to complete with all your required information.  Once you complete this form, click submit, you recieve an sms code of your password, it then takes you to where you have an option of paying for your privilege pack. You can pay with credit card, Alertpay, EGP (earnings from H&C) or a prepaid voucher. If you followed the first process (if you are in Nigeria) you can then simply pay with your prepaid voucher.

Step 3: Pay for an already registered member

If for any reason you had done step 2 before step 1, you would need to stop the step 2 process and obtain a prepaid voucher. If you had to do this, you will go back to the site of your sponsor, and click “buy now” again. You will follow the links to pay for the prepaid voucher, but this time around you will select  ”Already Registered Member”, when you select this, it gives you a page with two feilds – username and phone number. Once you fill these 2 with accurate details, it will take you directly to the payment page, where you can now use your prepaid voucher.

It is taking so much for me to start writing this article again because shortly after i finished writing the full article, i lost it because my system went off just before i saved. I trust that i’ll be able to write much more from my heart than i did in the last article now….

For sometime now, it has seemed as if everybody wants me to be a part of all that they want to have done…from immediate to extended family, to colleagues, to business associates, protegees and even acquitances, it seems everyone wants to know what i think, want me to give them some of my time, and so on. It got to a point that it became really overwhelming. It got so much that i started to complain; but quickly enough, i caught myself as i remembered a statement my mother used to make a while ago. She said the reason why it seems like you’re not getting enough rest and everyone is on your neck is because you’re relevant and you should be grateful for that. If you’re a nonentity, you’ll be sooo much on your own that the thought of suicide will be a regular feature on your mind.

How relevant are you? How useful are you? Do your opinions make a difference to your husband and in your family? How instrumental/relevant are you at work? Are you merely there occupying space and collecting salary at the end of the month? Is your company progressing because you’re there? Are your children better because you’re their parent? Are they improving visibly or you’re merely paying their bills? Do you matter to them, do they miss you, do you occupy an indispensable space in their hearts? Are you giving consciously to their future?

Being truly relevant comes with a price. It requires sacrifice, investment of a lot of time and effort. An example is ladies that marry men who are football freaks; the investment they’ll need to make takes time and effort to develop the interest and knowledge. I once met a lady who does not like to read at all and her husband has a room full of books and reads a lot, she just believes that’s where she and her husband do not agree; whether she likes it or not, that single issue will create a limit to how rich their relationship will be.

If you’re busy solving problems and adding value, then it points to the fact that you’re relevant. If your younger sisters want your advice on relationship decisions, then you’re doing something right; if your parents need your input on a decision they want to make, you’re relevant. If to young and old, you can give an input that will matter, the feeling is such that cannot be bought with money.

This is a good time to review how and to who have we been relevant this year. Make that decision, back it up with action, and you’ll be truly sought after because you carry value which makes a difference to many around you.

Happy new month!

A few weeks ago, i was at a talk show, and i featured as a relationship coach. The topic was “love across the ocean, how practical is it?” I sat down among the panelists as questions were thrown at each of us one after the other. As we proceeded, i was asked a question which i found very unclear; and this is because the concept of relationship and marriage were used interchangeably. I wondered why the mix up, as i was quick to make a clarification.

There appears to be increasingly, a grey line between people that are married and two people who have a relationship and plan to marry, live together and are generally checking each other out.

Marriage seems to be losing its sacredness. It’s gradually becoming a thing of convenience. The difference is beginning to be the change of name for the woman and the wedding bands that each party wears around which can pass as a status symbol anyway Marriage is sacred and God’s idea; and he NEVER said it was compulsory. So, count the cost, know that it’s not over when you’re tired and need to do your own thing.

When a thing begins to lose its value and therefore our perception of it, we begin to take it for granted and therefore, abuse it. I can remember i was asked a question; “if two married people live apart for an upward of 5years and don’t see each other for that whole period, will they still be regarded as being married?”. I think that question is subject to different answers depending on how much value we place on, or our perception of marriage as an institution. How can a marriage ever be healthy if the couple live apart for so long? How? Am definitely never an advocate for couples being apart for more than 2wks; maybe am an extremist, but there’s no point….Marriage is for synergy, companionship, sexual intimacy, communication, and more, so how can it be achieved when the parties are apart?

During the show, there was a man who had his whole family who had been living apart from him for 20yrs! He said he used to travel to see them every 3wks, then it increased to every 4wks, then 6wks, now he relies on facebook, yahoomail and co to stay in touch and sends money to them and now travels every quarter. Marriage has an ideal template; God intends that the couple live TOGETHER, even with civilization or technology, things can’t really be the same. I know that it’s tough, especially when both parties are career people in different locations and need to make ends meet; but for how long and at the expense of who or what? We can cut our coat according to our cloth o; at least there was a time i and my hubby plunged into full time business with no back ups (i won’t advise anyone to do what we did, but if we could survive with none of us on salary, how much more when one person is? We made it through those times and today, 4yrs later, the story has certainly changed.

God’s design for marriage was to achieve fruitfulness, multiplication, expansion, and more. So if you and your spouse live apart, set a deadline for coming together; drop that job if that’s what it takes; you’ll be amazed at enormous opportunities that exist outside your job. It’s critical. You’ll be better united to achieve more ultimately
if you put your hearts and minds into it.

Having a fantastic life in marriage is in your hands…have a great week!

I have tried several times to start and finish this article; hopefully, i will do this time. I’ll be sharing some of the thoughts in my mind about women today.
When I hear people, especially men say that women are too complex and very hard to satisfy, i tend to disagree and give an explanation for what i term a “misconception” on their part. But when we take a good look at it, it’s women that are petty and make mountains out of molehills, it’s women that find faults that are almost non existent, it’s women that
keep grudges and wait to get back at you when you least expect; hmmm…it’s women that are usually indecisive about exactly what they want-people may say it’s because they’re emotional and are easily swayed; it’s women that refuse to own up to telling themselves and each other the truth, it’s women that have attitudes and tend to treat fellow women who are not as advantaged as them like lesser beings, the list goes on.

This morning i was talking with a guy who had been in a relationship for a few years and they had their wedding very much in view; infact, both families had met and the formal introduction had taken place. The lady just came one day and said she was no longer interested in the relationship. The guy was shocked and asked her why; she said she
didn’t feel they were compatible, this was after 4yrs! Will we say then that she had not always wanted to break up the relationship as soon as she started because her heart was not in it? Why then did she have to wait for 4yrs?

So much for women! Certainly, women have their peculiarities, but society has aggravated some of the “not so nice” attributes, creating the mindset about expectations of women, so these expectations have created a mould that many just fit into.

So, back to the lady/relationship in focus. This lady probably had a picture of her ideal man in her mind, either it exists for real or in fantasy (lol) and she was probably so consumed with this picture that the guy fell constantly below the standards; she stomached and managed it for 4yrs until she decided she couldnt take it anymore; how very enduring! Ladies, le’s know what we want and be prepared either to wait till we have it (if it’s realistic) or forget about its existence
(if it’s unrealistic). It’s important we make decisions that will make us happy, and make these decisions as early as possible so we can get the best of them.

Before I wrap up this article, i’ll like us to take a quick look at the second paragraph of this article again. If you are a woman, and you have any of the “peculiarities” listed there, decide to be a uniquely different woman, work on yourself, be a role model to younger women, let them know that they don’t have to fit into a mould, they just need to be the best “them”!

I primarily don’t see myself as a woman, but as an individual, working to make “me” the best i can be; cutting off the “not so nice” things so i can be more effective in my roles – as business and career woman, sister, mentor, wife, mother, and more…that helps us to be harder on ourselves so we can change for the better.

I have made a number of attempts in the course of this week to post an article, but i have a number of “unfinished ones”. When i think about Nigeria or i read the papers or listen to the news once in a while, my mood gets “wunjured”, so i won’t write about naija today. I’m becoming a part of change, no talk again, it’s action time.

Today, i’ll just share a few jokes i read about marriage with us. Enjoy them and have a good laugh!

Joke I

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, “I don’t know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves.

The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work out?” they wonder, “Are we stuck together forever?” St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple, “you can get married in Heaven.” “Great,” says the couple, “but what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” exclaims the frightened couple. “Geez!” St. Peter exclaims, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take for me to find a lawyer?”

Joke II

A man was invited for dinner at a friend’s house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her “My Love”, “Darling”, “Sweetheart”, etc., etc.

His friend looked at him and said, “That’s really nice after all of these years you’ve been married to keep saying those little pet names.”

The host said, “Well, honestly, I’ve forgotten her name.”

Joke III

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

Joke IV

What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?

At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

Joke V

Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?

They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Meanwhile, my son will be a year older tomorrow, so your gifts are welcome.

Have a good break!

I thought seriously as i read the story of this very young couple. It seems to be appearing commonplace to find this kind of scenarios in today’s world. Marriage seems not to be sacred anymore, but a function of convenience or the lack of it.

This couple had been married for about a year and they were already seperated. Their seperation seemed so inreconciliable as there were no meetings or communications to make this happen. The marriage was blessed with a son.

Some months before they got married, the guy had travelled out of his regular station for an outside posting as an engineer, and he was meant to be there for 3months. It was during this outside posting that he met this beautiful lady. She was also working in the sister company where the guy had been posted. They seemed to get along well, and one thing led to another. The chemistry got so strong that they became sexually intimate. Two weeks before the guy was to go back to his base, the lady gave him the good news….she was carrying his baby! This guy was overwhelmingly confused when he heard the news and thought fast about what he could do to cover his tracks. He was morally upright and was even a youth pastor in his home church and even in his University days. Having a lady pregnant for him outside wedlock was a No, No.

As soon as he got back home, he approached his pastor and close confidant who told him not to go ahead with marrying the lady. He couldn’t care less about what they both said. He had a reputation to protect. They could always work on the marriage, he thot. At least, they were both “christians”; moreso, there was no time for “too much thinking and analysis”. So he made quick arrangements to meet the lady’s parents and within a few weeks, they got married. About 4 months after their wedding, she put to bed and real life began. They began to have heated arguments on flimsy issues; the real people in both of them began to show up and each party became more and more intolerant of the other. Things grounded to a halt one day when the wife walked out of the marriage with their only child.

He waited and thought she would be back by that evening. She didn’t show up. Two days, three days, she was nowhere to be found. He went to her friends place and they claimed they didn’t know where she was. He travelled several hours to the parents village and they became hostile to him, telling him he had treated their daughter poorly. He pleaded, explained, cajoled. Things went back and forth, and he wasn’t allowed to see her or even his baby! All this drama went into weeks and then months! As we speak, both of them have been apart and out of communication for about 6months. The families later saw the deadlock and tried to sort things out but the wife wasn’t ready to make peace. Because of her sturrbboness, even he became irritated and was convinced that he had made a huge mistake by marrying her.

He sat down and thought about all that had happened and the different decisions he made that landed him into the “mess” he was in. He thought seriously about what his pastor told him before he went into the marriage. He thought about the hundreds of people who looked up to him and he could have caused to stumble by “Marrying to cover up/make up for his mistake”. He longed for a fresh, clean start.

Now let’s take a look at what lessons we need to learn.

1) When we have erred, it’s noble to admit, get God’s forgiveness and start afresh. If there’s a child involved, take responsibility and look forward to the future with hope.

2) Have people or at least one person you listen or are accountable to; someone who serves a check and can call you to order.

3) Define your relationships early especially when it has to do with the opposite gender. It shows discipline and responsibility.

4) Be willing, even when we have gone far from God to do things right again, even for the sake of people whose destinies are tied to yours. Share your story, it will remind people that it’s not worth it making decisions without God’s word as the standard.

I trust this will help someone. “One error is enough; don’t cover it up with another”. Have a fantastic week!