Last week, i was having a chat with a guy who’s been married for a few years. He works on the island and lives on the mainland (meaning he spends most of his active time at work) and our “gist” centered around the implication(s) of friendships with single ladies at the same workplace. He seemed to have his own strong opinion backed by his stance on having undue closeness with those ladies.

As we gisted on, i remembered a true story i heard recently. This time, the lady was the married one. She worked in the same company with this charming, nice gentleman who just treated ladies right. They got to meet closely during a project they worked on together. After the project, they still made out time to be together. They went for lunch together, then dinners, when they had deadlines to meet and were working late or when they just wanted to be together. This went on for two years!

Two years later, her conscience couldn’t handle it. It goes without saying that she saw her husband as not knowing how to treat her right. She had become very irritable, then restless. She had to decide one day to have a chat with her husband about the “state of their marriage”.” Then she proceeded to go on a personal retreat out of town. She tried to hide the guilt and her husband made her see reason that facing their challenges together was what held the solution to a rocky marriage. She said nothing to him about the guy in the office.

She took a few days’ leave and travelled to her parents’ home under the guise that her doctor told her to observe strict bed rest for a few days. She was going to use that opportunity to think with a clear head on what her next steps would be. She arrived at her parents’ place on a wednesday afternoon. Even though she had told her mum she would come around, both parents were surprised to see her. She gave the same reason as the one she gave when she called them earlier on the phone. Her mum didn’t appear very convinced, but expressed joy in having her around all the same. She asked her several times within 1 hour how her husband was, how her marriage was doing, and so on. She changed the topic most times as she battled within her mind exactly what her plan was.

She moved into the room that had been prepared for her and laid on the bed, lost in thoughts. She thought about the
times she had with the guy in her office. They had at some point, started making secret plans for their future. He was in a sort of serious relationship, but he had said it before, that they had a chemistry that was simply “different”. He was ready to quit the relationship– for her. But she knew that plan was not as “neat” as it sounded back then. She was troubled; about the possibility of losing either the relationship or her marriage. She thought about her husband. Sincerely, he was a wonderful person, a loving, patient and understanding husband. But he didn’t seem to “trip” her anymore. He had become “ordinary”, nothing special.

She thought about her parents, especially her mother had a strong connection with God that made her nervous sometimes, and she became suddenly afraid that she would “know” there was something wrong. Since they lived in a
different state, she had been able to keep her secret… for awhile.

The next day after she arrived at her parents’ place, her mother came into her room to have a chat with her. She asked, “Honey, are you all right?” “Sure Mom, I’m fine,” she lied. “I don’t think you are. I think you’re in some sort of trouble because last night, I woke up and felt compelled to pray for you. I want you to talk to me.” I am in trouble now, she thought. How will I be able to conceal what’s on my mind from her?”

“Tell me everything.” She took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and said, “I purposely moved out of the house for a while, because i’ve been having a great deal of struggle inside of me; am having emotional issues, i’ve even thought about divorce recently.” There was a long silence. Then her mom said, “We love you. And because we love you, we will tell you what’s best for you. Marriage is a holy bond. Has he committed adultery? Has he ever hit you?” “No”, she replied. Then she went ahead to counsel her according to the bible about the sacredness of the marriage institution and how to deal with her emotions.

After the time with her mum, she felt lighter within and felt ready to handle the issues confronting her. She had to make a big decision, she decided to quit her job. She felt making a clean break would help her make a fresh start. She thought about what reason she would give her husband for deciding to quit. She was too ashamed to face her husband and tell her all that had happened. She had treated him unfairly. She didn’t want him hurt further. She thought long and hard…..

What would you tell her at this time? Is the idea of quitting a good move? Should she change her ways and not necessarily tell her husband? What would you advise her to do or not to do? Let’s keep our thoughts rolling in, and see if she’ll find what she needs/wants in your suggestions.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

There’s this experience i had always wanted to share with my readers. While growing up, especially as a teenager, i had a few experiences that were not too good, especially involving misunderstanding caused by divergent views i had with my parents, especially my mum about different issues. I had some times when we disagreed so strongly that i made some foolish resolves, one of which was a decision to rarely come home as soon as i gained independence (that was to be from University onwards). I felt they were just not being reasonable. Did you ever feel that way? Do i have a witness in the house?

My mind went to all these when a while ago, i got chatting with a young guy in the prime of his teenage years. We really got along well as i shared my experiences and he shared his, and we compared notes. It was fun. Then, after a while, he started to tell me some pains and hurts he’s had while growing up. He told me a number of hurtful things that his parents had said to him as long as almost 10years ago. He mentioned awards he received that his parents didn’t show up for; he lamented that he believed that strangers valued him more than his parents do. Financially, he seems well taken care of; he attends one of the best schools around, goes on vacation and is ok, but he felt he needed his parents more than what he was getting from them.

I sat there and wondered how people misplace priorities, how we run around for money to give our children the best and leave out what really matters to them. What we leave with these children after they’re grown are the memories of times that we share with them. My current status message on facebook is about a song my dad taught me while growing up which i had also taught my children and they were singing it all over the house. The feeling is one that money cannot buy.

For the past few days, I’ve been school-hunting, trying to change school for my children; and i discovered how easily we can judge our responsibility to them by how much we spend on them. I made up my mind to be there for them as much as possible, instill values into them, and to “create” fun, unforgettable memories that will outlive me for them and i know this decision will cost me all conveniences. It’s easy to let things slip by, but I’ll ensure that first things come first.

Have a good day everyone!

A few weeks ago, i overheard a neighbor of mine talking with my hubby outside the house when he went to pick something from the car. Their discussion seemed to have lingered for so long that i wondered if he remembered that we were running late for service; after some time i had to go out dressed to say hi to the neighbor so my hubby could see he was the one delaying us; and sure, he got the message

We got talking afterwards and i wondered what kept the man’s voice up and made him talk so passionately and he said the guy said he had since stopped going to church because many “men of God” were living false lives. He said he had run into some of them with their secretaries or some lady in hotels and so on; he spoke about misappropriation of funds, the fact that some members were practicing idolatry because they accorded too much awe to their pastors who wielded/had too much control over them, etc. He therefore said he decided not to go to church anymore, but to always practice the principle of always being thankful to God.

Do you know what struck me most about what this man said? It’s not so much different from what many Christians say as well. Many people are critical. It’s not necessarily because they’re sinless/faultless, but because of the need to justify their inadequacies in the face of a worse person’s issues. Such a man had no business being critical/judgmental; what if the man of God he saw at the hotel came for a meeting in the hotel lobby and not what he thought? What if it was what he thought? What if those men of God were fake? Same for Christians; we need to look at Jesus’ approach to sinners, he addressed the sin but showed compassion. It’s tough, but it’s the life we’ve been called to live. We grow as Christians when we see ourselves as work in progress and correct people in love. Of course, there are times when you need to go the hard way on some. But our motivation should be love, not nosing around for people’s faults and criticizing them. Jesus showed us by example; these same things were the things the Pharisees, who knew the bible, did by default, criticize! And we all do it, in different measures.

I once heard about a Muslim guy who got saved and started attending a church only for him to one day, find the pastor of the church on top of his fiancée! That same day, he renounced Christ and went back to the mosque…hmm. That was a very sad story. Does it change God’s standards? He’ll need to have a chat with God about that when the time comes. Does the wrongdoing of the Christian leader license us to misbehave? We’ll stand one by one with God, and he’ll deal with us individually based on the level/degree of our walk with him vs what we made out of it as regards the quality of life we lived.

Can we be less critical on others and work on becoming better? Can we seize from giving excuses of other people’s issues as the reason why we’re not at our best? Are we qualified to throw the first stone? Are we qualified to judge?

Happy Easter to you all. I believe we had a restful holiday. I did, cos i needed it. I came across this article in last week and decided to add the lessons learnt and share it with all my readers. Am sure you’ll find it very good.

One summer day, two men and their wives went fishing on a well known lake. They had a boat and some of the finest equipments, and were looking forward to a good catch. They fished for several hours, but hadn’t gotten as much as one bite so they decided to return home. It intrigued them however, to see a small boy on the shore pulling in one fish after another. Curiously, one of the women walked over to the little boy to find out just how he was catching all those fish. The little fellow, happy to explain his success pointed to an old rotten log. “There are lots of worms under that log”, he replied, and they make good bait, “although they bite your hand a bit when you put them on the hook. Help yourself; there are plenty of them”.

Lifting up the log the woman looked, and there, to her surprise, she saw not worms, but a nest of dozens of poisonous baby copperhead ’snakes’. “Those aren’t worms, they’re copperheads!” She called to the boy, “let me look at your hands”.

The boy’s hand was covered with tiny bites and already were beginning to swell from the poison. They rushed him to the doctor, who injected some anti-venom serum and the boy’s life was saved. The doctor estimated that the amount of poison from the little bites actually equaled the bite of a full grown copperhead, another hour and it would have been too late!

 This little boy was very innocently handling the snakes, not realizing that they were poisonous. They were actually destroying him. He was using them to his own advantage, so he thought, but they would have caused his death. Many people today are innocently living their lives, not hurting anyone else, yet completely unaware that sin in their lives is destroying them……

A major underlining factor that almost caused this little boy his life was ignorance. Ignorance is deadly, more deadly than most diseases. It’s important that we seek knowledge, and regularly update our knowledge base. We also need to commit to a habit of seeking knowledge. We need to ask the experience and successful, so we can have an easier journey. Knowledge arms us against harm.

Also, this boy readily shared the “secret of his success” with the woman that approached him. That act of “giving” turned around to preserve his life. If he had kept it all to himself, he would’ve died cheaply. So, even though he was harming himself unknowingly, he offered advice to people who also wanted to make a headway.

The boy also used the “worms” to his advantage; there’s nothing wrong with this, but we need to find out if our actions align with godly principles and values, e.g. using people to our advantage…

So, i’ll like to encourage you all to commit to getting knowledge and sharing it. May wisdom and knowledge preserve you this month as you apply yourself to it. They say “common sense achieves common results”; let’s step up our game so we can be preserved and get outstanding results. Welcome to the month of April!

It’s been a long while i posted an article. Today, we’ll be talking to the unmarried guys and ladies and addressing practical ways we can abstain from sex till the day we say, “I DO”. I’m sure someone will find this really useful. Here are a few tips from me to you:

1. Understand the Reality of Your Sexual Desires

Sexual desires are not simply a matter of willpower or denial of their existence. This first statement reminds me of a young guy who was struggling with mastering his sexual desires; we spoke at length one day when he confided in me. He had done all sorts of things to silence the craving. He had locked himself up for days so he wouldn’t see women, he had done all sorts to “keep himself in check” but those things seemed to exaggerate the desires. Sexual desires are inbuilt parts of our genetic makeup, and they will always be there. The worst thing you can do is deny their existence or feel ashamed of them. Acknowledge them, accept their presence and calmly and rationally remind yourself that you have made an important decision to abstain from them. Accepting your desires as a part of human nature can go a long way towards helping you to control them.

2. Avoid Arousing Situations

While you may need to accept your sexual desires, there’s no need to arouse them unnecessarily. Keep away from places where you might be tempted. Avoid pornography or movies that feature arousing imagery. Stay away from scantily clad photos of famous people you are attracted to, and watch out for commercials or advertisements–companies love to sell things with sex. If you’re seeing someone, refrain from spending the night together (even if you don’t intend to have sex) or being too physically close to him. It might pay to establish a code word or phrase to let your partner know that you’re becoming aroused and that any physical activity you are engaged in should stop right away.

3. Spend Time Around Children

Children are simply adorable, but they can be a handful. If you feel that your desires are getting the better of you, arrange to spend some time around them. Babysit for a sister or aunt or relative, or just watch kids interact with their parents in a public place. It will help remind you of what a huge responsibility they are and that abstaining is the best way to keep from having any until you are ready

4. Associate With People Who Respect Your Decision

Generally, this means associating with friends who have the same principles or share your religious faith, but it doesn’t have to. It simply means being around people–especially those you date–who respect the choice you have made and who will not push your boundaries in any way. Friends who tell you not to worry about it or try to persuade you to have sex should be avoided, at least until they can honestly respect your wishes.

5. Abstain from sex because that is what you would want your younger brother/sister to do.

Just cast your mind back at your younger sister/brother; the one you love so much and desire that she succeeds all round; picture her with an unwanted pregnancy, or with an STD; am sure you cringe at the very thought of that. Fight to keep yourself, not only for you, but for people who look up to you. They’ll naturally do worse than what you did.

6. Let’s talk about sex!

Sex is believed to be dirty and a No No in the discussion of the morally sound person, most especially the unmarried; so young people think about it, watch it, read about it, but hardly talk about it, so there’s pressure to experiment what was learnt theoretically.

Talking about sex with the unmarried dymystifies it, puts it in proper, healthy perspective and creates an accountability, open forum for them to talk about their hormonal haywires and challenges.
Just don’t have sex with anyone until you get married. Plan on it. Decide it. Choose it. And then don’t change your mind, and don’t let anyone else. You can make this choice anytime, even if you’ve already had sex. Yeah, you read  me right!

Abstinence is still in vogue; it’s absolutely noble and honourable too; and it’s worth every second of waiting for it. Have a fantastic weekend!

How often have you heard the saying, “Time Changes people?” I decided to take a good look at that saying and concluded that it’s not absolutely true. It’s the experiences that a person has over time that changes them. Some people get bolder and more courageous based on experiences they’ve had that made them feel as if they were taken advantage of; and some people get more “subdued” and more careful based on experiences they’ve had in which what they said perpetually put them into trouble. Some people however, learn to speak with more caution and tact.

I remember when i was much younger; especially in my early teenage years, I and my mum hardly agreed about our perspectives towards many things. We had perpetual issues and it took me a long time to discover why; am sure it took her a long while too. Our temperaments are veeeery different, like north and south pole In fact, it was as if she spoke purposely to hurt me. I was so quiet and withdrawn and she was always irritated by the fact that i kept so much to myself. I on the other hand, felt “disturbed” that she went on and on about my not talking and so on. Slowly, she began to understand that my temperament was very much like her husband’s who she had grown used to for almost 2 decades then. Why do i say that? She began to give excuses for me as per my actions or the lack of it. Then, i began to see her in another light; along the line, i came across materials which made me see and appreciate our differences. It was a “long” period of discovery but we’re both better for it today. Infact, we’re very close now.

Along the line, she had a relationship with God which has grown over the years and this has also helped her develop a spirit controlled temperament. She’s got few but Godly, value driven and principled  friends. Today, i look back at my mum and appreciate the fact that her relationships, several experiences she’s had, at home, work, business, with in-laws, siblings and so on have shaped her into the person she is today, very much experienced and a woman of much fewer words that are full of wisdom.

We’re all work in progress, and need to appreciate every phase we’re in as contributing to a better us. The delays, the pressures, the frustrations, the anxieties, all constitute the fire that makes us set into being the final artwork, which God intends to be a masterpiece, His masterpiece.

So, there are 2 key things we must not lose sight of, always:

1) A healthy relationship with God: This is the only dependable, infallible option which shapes us inside out, inspite of our experiences.

2) Healthy, Godly relationships and friendships; these determine the quality of counsel we’ll get when in need, and therefore the quality of decisions and actions we take.

Therefore; time is a function of who we’re rolling with which affect our experiences and ultimately, our story. It’s so funny that our “story” is a combination of how we spend each day. I was gisting with a friend recently who told me that if he had worked and stayed around the people who he grew up with (that would’ve been his direction, by default); he was almost very sure that his life, by now, would have been messed up. Time changes people, yes, but what’s happening during that time?

Finally, my site is back! First, i must apologize to my friends that have been trying to access my site for some time. Am so sorry. Now my site is back, and with a new, less boring look. Welcome to the new, improved, topeakinyemi.com.

To get things rolling, i’ll post an article from Deoluakinyemi.com. It captures more accurately my experience in the last vacation i had barely a week ago. It was indeed simply amazing. Read on…..

It’s been unduly long since I wrote, I’ve been on a hectic vacation schedule, and it has been difficult to spare 1hr in front of my computer and realy write something to my taste. My mind has beeen shifting back and forth on different topics. I’ve been mostly on the move as well, so there is a load of information that I have recieved on these amazing 7 days on the exotic laps of luxury. It’s exciting enjoying the vacation that others only dream about, take my word for it, tourism is higher education. This year seems an adventure already, courtesy of Holidays and Cash, we’ll be doing Sun City this month as well, Spain around the corner, Thailand and Las Vegas. Don’t die in the rut of running a marathon race with your life, rather enlist in a relay race, and enjoy your life.

There are quite a number of topics struggling for priority attention in my mind. I will simply write about them all, and then do the diligence of expanding the write-up as passion becomes available. I will jump from topics that don’t seem connected, but the thread that will join them all together are valuable wisdom nuggets that we can take away and add to our lives. Welcome through the lenses of my eyes, lightly tinted by my development bias into the world of India. With 36 million gods and religions, a population above 1 billion, host community of one of the wonders of the world – The Taj Mahal and rich historical content, I welcome you to Incredible India!

Five Star Service

Experiencing a few days in the Galaxy Hotel in New Delhi, redefined service for me. Experiencing the treatment of the staff of this hotel, made it apparent that 5 stay was not only about the building and the structure of the rooms. It wasn’t only about having a massager in one’s room, or having a real Jacuzzi and enjoying bubble baths. 5 star was very much the building as well as the service. The average scenery in India is worse than what you’ll see on Nigerian streets, they are many, and many are poor. Once you step into the hotel however you are in a different world. The staff don’t watch you passby, they literally stand up to greet you at your instance. Extremely respectful and helpful, it’s difficult to know who calls the shots among them. At the dining, you are chocked with support, they want you to be pleased like their job depended on it. It’s like every minute counts or like someone is always watching them. Getting to Agra and lodging in the JP Hotel was another 5 star treatment, 5hrs away from New Delhi and it confirmed to me that 5 star was matched with 5 star treatment, irrespective of location. Are you offering your clients 5 star service?
 
36 Million gods

I felt it was riddiculous when I was told that there are as much as 36 million gods in India. Doesn’t that mean that every group of 30 people have one god each? It’s amazing how the indians have converted almost any form into a god. I have never seen cows as well fed and chubby as the ones in India. They don’t eat cows because for supplying milk for children they are seen as gods. In India, you can’t kill a cow . I also heard that if you do too many miracles as a pastor in India, you can be made one of their gods . Thinking deeply about having so many gods however brought me to take a look back to my country. In this age of “my pastor said”, this age of “my man of God”, are we also not having close to 36 million god forms? In India they worship all forms, but many of our people have reneged their powers of thought and their personal walks with God, with the idolatory of keeping their eyes on men rather than on God. Idolatory in the 21st century is not necessarily bowing before a golden calf. Idolatory is the process of idolizing anything – a Sportsman, an entertainer, a pastor, a car, money – anything. Whatever wins you place your pedestal and wins your time and attention is becoming a god to you. Idolatory is stealing God’s glory. Whatever you refer to for what God ought to be refered to, is an idol. What are your idols?

Transgenerational Achievement

I don’t know if it’s coincidence that the bible talks about wise men from the east (Asia). It seems that Asians are wise indeed. One thing that stands in your face if you care to pay attention, is how families have been able to hand over their businesses down generations. I met quite a number of people whose businesses were what was handed down to them across 2 or more generations. We met an artist whose works is simply beyond this world, a concept called needing painting. The artist uses needles and threads of different colours to create 

a picture that looks like a painting and is at times three dimensional (Trust me, you need to see it to fully grasp this). What I find extrememly interesting is that 4 generations after, the great grand children have added education to thiers and are taking over the baton from their fathers. Even in a shop full of gift items, you hear the 50+ year old shop owner proudly telling you that his grandfather sold in the same shop in 1950. It’s not only big companies that should have succession plans, even small shops can. Once we get it right in a small model, it won’t be difficult to make happen on the bigger base. A wise man leaves an inheritance for his Childrens children. What are you building that will outlive you? Your job will not! Don’t push this thought till tomorrow, start building something today, and build them on the right values. The only house that will stand the test of time, is the one built upon the solid rock.

Love or Immortality?

There is a theme I’m seeing these days, it seems to me, that the themes that make up the greatest tourist attractions in the world have to do with either love or immortality. One would think that the pyramids of Egypt were economic monuments, they are not. They are tombs that someone who wanted some form of immortality built. If you haven’t seen the pyramids, this might not bite so hard on your mind, but trust me, these monster structures are so big, it’s difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that it’s merely a tomb! The pyramids are getting mileage off of immortality. The Burj Dubai is a demonstration of love, it was designed to be the tallest building in the world, shaped like a felt pen. It was a gift between the Abu Dhabi Emirate and the Dubai Emirate. It’s mileage is off of Love. Taj Mahal however combined these two in an interesting way. The Taj Mahal is simply a tomb that man (Emperor Shah Jahan) built for the wife he loved the most. History has it that this was the only wife that gave him children, and the wife died during the childbirth of the 14th child. The Taj mahal was built to be the final resting place of his beloved wife. The Taj Mahal is a monsterous marble structure with 4 gates that are also major construction works. The symmetery in the architecture is thrilling. According to a popular myth 20,000 people worked relentlessly for 16 years to build the Taj Mahal and their hands were all dismembered so that the can never build another one like it. 2-4 million people visit the Taj Mahal annually. Men made themselves relevant beyond their times by building physical monuments. Today is our turn to build, and we can build physically, economically even spiritually. When the curtains draw on time, and the gap between now and eternity is bridged, what will you have lived for? In what ways will your sacrifices of love be felt, and what themes are going to surround your immortality.
 

Namaste!

The Indians put their hands together in front of them like a prayer clap, bow down their heads and say Namaste. It means, I’m bowing to the divine power on your inside. Everyone of us has a seed of greatness in us. This seed has within it the harvest of many possibilities. You are guaranteed to be great, to be big to be mighty upon the earth. Except this seed however takes the risk of losing itself and follows it’s intuition to do that for which it was made, it will abide alone. In closing to you today, I say Namaste!

This title has been on my mind for almost 2 full weeks now; funny enough, certain events came up that made my deciding to write and post the article not the best thing to do. But then, i decided to take a look at the things i had been reminded about gratitude and i told myself it was the more reason why i needed to write about it.

Unlike the conventional meaning of gratitude, i’ll like to share a richer, deeper meaning with us. Gratitude involves the whole process of mental adjustment, of tuning the mind such that the mind is drawn into closer touch with God, from whom all blessings come. That process of mind adjustment and fixation creates a positive atmosphere that can attract only the best. For us to live in a world that is truly limitless in terms of possibilities, our gratitude has to be strong and continous, then, the movement of things we want will be always towards us.

We have heard and we can see already that in 2010, you won’t need to think at all to see reasons to be dissatisfied, if not personally, then, maybe about the nation or any other thing. The moment you permit your mind to dwell with dissatisfaction upon things as they are, you begin to lose ground. Jesus Christ never did without giving thanks before performing any miracle, even when he knew he could perform them. There’s a connection between gratitude and power; the more power you can exercise when you have an attitude of gratitude because your faith is strengthened.

I have decided to make gratitude an anchor for my soul this year so that my faith will be strengthened, and i can attract the things God has already made available to me. When men say there’s a casting down, i’ll say there’s a lifting up for me. So, even though i have a list of goals, i have just one new year goal….maintain an attitude of gratitude (that’s enough work!)

Happy new year!