Happy new year folks! I trust by now, we must have tons of nice sounding goals and resolutions for the new year. I’d like to share with you all on what i believe will help us get God’s best in this new year.

It’s really funny; the transition into a new year is nothing special in the sense that you sleep on one night and wake up the next morning and it’s a brand new year. The concept of a new year is man’s own way of being able to calibrate time to plan and realign ourselves with our ultimate goals, it’s a “stop, think, plan and act” opportunity, and one that helps us get the way forward.

There’s already a lot of bad news in the air; the media has done justice to spreading it far and wide; there’re projections of businesses that will fail, job losses, further drop in the price of crude oil and many more, and the anxiety mounts, the fear and uncertainty are evident. It’s obvious that systems that have stood for decades are failing and we need to shift our focus from the “fundamental things” that we used to be able to bank on to what can stand the test of time.

I’d like you to take the following points to heart in the new year and walk with them:

1) Learn to listen to, and hear God. That is the surest source of direction you will ever get. This is no old school statement o, it is obvious that how far we will go and our quality of life depend on taking accurate decisions. It is the way to live in abundance in the midst of famine.

2) Check your association: It is easy to start the year with a lot of hope and enthusiasm but the sustainability of all that depends among other things, on the people we surround ourselves with. If you know your association will do you more harm than good, run! People who always see a reason why something will not work (dream killers) should be far from you. Also, people who pleasing God is not their primary desire will slow you down and draw you back, because it will inform what they can do. If you value your destiny, you will not say you’ve been friends for years with X, and so it’s hard to break up. I dare say, the association is the reason why you haven’t gone farther than this, there’s so much you would’ve become and achieved….A word is enough for the wise.

3) Fight to keep your joy: I was in a meeting recently and someone prayed that that God should not let us have cause to complain; i wondered at the prayer; there’s no year or period without challenges and reasons to complain, it’s our attitude or response to those things that determine what we get from them. There’s a lot of battle going on in the mind, and the way we can keep winning is not to accept defeat or give in. Our strength lies in joy.

I could write much more than this, but i want it straight to the point. Please note however, that the above points and anything we need to do, cannot be done except we make the commitment to do them and achieve the results we desire, if not all within the year, then close. I look forward to an exciting and eventful year ahead, what about you? Ciao!

I always never like to be tribalistic but rather, to see every tribe as unique. For every tribe in Nigeria, there are strong, positive characteristics as well as negative ones. There’s something so strong about the Ibo tribe, and that’s their business acumen. You can literally follow a young Ibo guys growth in business as he puts in dedication and a lot of commitment to see it grow.

I was at a nearby superstore recently where a guy stood in for the store owner. He called the owner on phone a couple of times in the course of the few minutes i was there to clarify the prices of some items that didn’t have price tags on them. He did things meticulously, because monetary profit was involved. At the end of the year, he ‘closes shop’ and goes ‘home’ for xmas. Rest is indeed sweet after labour.

I’d like to encourage you to take time to rest this holidays, if you indeed worked enough to deserve it, take stock, and plan for the next year. 2009 is full opportunities; there are several speculations that have been made, globally, mostly bad, but how things go depend entirely on us; it’s not in the absence of challenges, but in our resolve to rise above them.

Examine your 2008 goals and admit your shortcomings. When you take stock, there’s a clear starting point and the race ahead becomes easier to run.

I’d like to thank all my readers for reading, commenting or not commenting as the case may be :-). I trust God for fresh inspiration to speak His heart and be a greater blessing in the new year. Have a fantastic year ahead; I love you guys, you’re the best. Enjoy!

I’m writing this article for the ladies. “Why the ladies now”?, you may ask. Well, i don’t know; maybe because am a lady

Very unlike in the days of our forefathers when the size of a woman was a sign of the husband’s affluence, these days, people go to any length to achieve an hour glass shape, aside from the regular exercising, some use pills and some even go as far as surgery. It’s in our days that people almost kill themselves to have a perfect body.

It is important to be healthy, fit and have a great shape; but the context of this discussion is to remind the ladies of the need to give their minds and spirit a lot more attention that their bodies. I’ve met ladies who cannot sit to have an intelligent conversation because they’ve got close to nothing upstairs. Every spare time is spent in Idle gossip and reading soft sell magazines, nothing developmental at all. Not everybody goes to school, but nobody has the excuse of not being able to be good at something, and being versatile and knowledgable in today’s world is key. Men respect women who have something to say and can make meaningful contributions, such women are assets.

Women need to be empowered to see themselves in the right light. Some ladies don’t attend a function because they don’t have the aso ebi and people might make fun of them. Some buy on credit or borrow just to measure up, some lose their confidence because they feel they’re not as pretty or shapely as the next person, and so rob themselves of the potential to be the best. There’s so much value placed on the body at the detriment of the mind and spirit.

You don’t need to attend one to know that every party always has a lot more ladies than guys. I had to ask why? And i think because ladies get money there that help them maintain the lifestyle of living large and they keep coming back for more. Anything you get with your body and doesn’t require the constructive use of your mind will not last. Ladies have dumped guys with potential for “ready mades” all because of immediate gratification.

On the other hand, based on past abuse, some ladies have developed a low self esteem. They see every guy as wanting to have sex with them, and ultimately give their bodies as a means of keeping a man. NO WOMAN HAS EVER KEPT A MAN BY HAVING SEX WITH HIM, NONE! So, i’ll advise you increase the value you place on yourself, carry yourself gracefully and with dignity. Invest in yourself, acquire skills, get knowledge and use it, task yourself, stretch and grow, cultivate progressive associations until you become invaluable, because yes, you can!

We have too much to give, to our homes, places of work and society at large. We have capacity to take pressures and profer solutions, capacity to conceive ideas and bring to birth, capacity to nurture to adulthood. Lady, rise up, because you’re more than your body.

Hello friends, i’m sure we all had a restful holiday. This week was a rather short, but exciting one for me. I’d like to write on a topic i find very important at every stage of life because there are always challenges we need to battle, always.

Have you noticed that whenever we hear bad news or a scandal about a person, most especially, someone who has become famous and influential, it usually opens up a can of worms that is usually, very very unpalatable and shameful? My focus on this article is not the can of worms but in preventing the accumulation of any “skeletons” in our cupboards.

Have you noticed that a problem when internalized or kept in the mind, grows and becomes really exaggerated, but once you share it, seems to lose its mystery or power to a good extent? At the point where you say it out, the automatic next step is seeking a way forward.

Many people talk about everything else except their challenges and problems. It’s amazing that this type of scenario is so rampant: A lady gets emotionally involved with a guy and ends up sleeping with the guy, after that she feels very bad and used, and keeps it totally to herself. Unknown to the girl, the guy had a plan of sleeping with her other 3 sisters even before he set out to get her in the first place; and because of the “keep it to myself” syndrome, they all get used by the same guy and discover much later. It’s extremely painful and could have been avoided.

As a teenager, i once had a crush on a much older guy, who could have taken advantage of me, had i not shared my “feelings” with my elder sister, who told me the same guy had been disturbing her! at the same time o! Immediately she told me, the feelings flew out of the window, my eyes cleared!

For the guys, i appreciate the fact that you don’t want to look or appear less than the man, but there’s nothing that destroys faster than keeping secret a vice that gradually erodes one’s life away. It’s not unmanly to get help or have someone you respect as an accountability partner; you’ll be better for it. We all need at least someone we admire and respect; and who will always tell us the truth as an accountability partner. If you don’t have such person in your life, it might be a very long road filled with unending regrets.

If you ask me, this is a fantastic time to start afresh and enter into the new year void of skeletons and cobwebs that will impair progress in the new year. Let’s face our vices and fix them; let’s speak up and get help, it’s a new day!

Have a nice weekend!

The year is winding up. People are in a hurry. Deadlines need to be met. Money needs to be made to take care of the demands of the festive season - children need new clothes and shoes to show off to their friends, variety of meals and goodies need to be made available, so everyone is running against time. Yesterday as i drove home from work, i felt the impatience in the air. People drove along slowly moving traffic as if they were making to ram into vehicles ahead of them just to get along.

In the midst of all these are multitudes of people waiting, hoping, praying, that their desires for the year will still be met. Some people are going through their goals for the year as well as their resolutions to see if they could right their wrongs in order to have their requests granted all before the year ends. Some who have spent the year gathering wealth by defrauding people or by dishonest means are poised to give to charity, so that God’s mercy can be shown to them.

At this time of the year also, people, in the spirit of the season, visit the motherless, destitute, sick, etc and give gifts believing that their acts of kindness and charity will open doors for them in the new year. It’s amazing how people consciously do good, believing it will be rewarded and don’t also believe that evil deeds will also be rewarded, and never consciously avoid doing bad. Have you noticed that when the bible said we should give and it shall be given unto us, good measure shaken together, and running over”, he was not particularly talking about material things?, he says he will cause men to give to our bosom. That principle was all about sowing and reaping.

The universe is ruled by principles. There are laws that are universal. A fundamental one is the law of cause and effect or the law of sowing and reaping. We are very quick in assuring ourselves of hundredfold increases to our every good deed but refuse to accept that the same principle applies for bad. Everything we do, whether good or bad is an action, and Newton’s 3rd law states that: “For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction”. Every of our action attracts a reaction. Every seed never grows to produce a seed. It produces hundreds of its kind. So, let’s never view any of our actions at face value because there’s always a ripple effect.

Let’s decide on a consistent, quality and godly lifestyle; let’s set ourselves and generations after us up for God’s favour and transgenerational blessings. We need to be very careful what deed we sow and secure our future by our lives today; because indeed, every deed is a seed.

Have a splendid weekend and holiday!

At different times in the course of the week, i have told myself that i needed to write and post an article; but this morning, i made up my mind i wasn’t going to go home until i had posted something. It has been a very full week of work for me, and very exciting as well. Let’s go straight to the meat of today’s gist.

Have you noticed that the number of single guys of marriage age is very high compared to before? Have you observed that the marriage age, especially for guys is much more than it used to be? Guys are a lot more under pressure to prove to “potential wives” that they can take care of them; they’re overwhelmed at the demands place on guys; hence the delay most times. Many ladies don’t even want to know that you have a vision and a bright future, they want to see what you’ve got; they want to be taken care of; they want to see the life they’ve always fantasized about actualized and they want it NOW!

I remember when we got married over 5years ago. Apart from the fact that my husband had to take a loan to augment the rent, for some months, the house was very bare (as bare as a baby’s butt ). I was sharing this with a younger lady and she was so surprised that she blurted out a question, “you didn’t even have a TV?”. I wondered what the big deal was in not having a TV at the beginning. One can never remain at the same stage forever! The only things in the house were a rug in our room, a 4×6 mattress, a table top cooker in the kitchen, and of course, the curtains were firmly in place to prevent passersby from seeing how empty the house was. Any visitor we had then had to seat on the rug in our room!

Now, i think about that period and it feels like it all happened yesterday. We’re not where we want to be yet but we’re not where we used to be. I never bothered about how things were because there was no doubt in my mind that it was a phase. This article is not for self glory but to make the ladies see that the life of a man does not consist in the abundance of the things he has per time and that our attitude when approaching marriage needs to be right.

The bible makes it abundantly clear that:

“He that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”

That tells me that there’s something about a wife that brings favour which connotes multiplication, increase and open doors. Many females are draining their husbands, they’re so materialistic, it’s amazing! Every time she calls, he assumes she wants to make a demand. Such things gradually erode the quality of a relationship. A woman was created to be an asset in every sense of the word. Let’s take a look at the definition of an asset. According to the free online dictionary by Farlex, an asset is:

“A useful or valuable quality, person, or thing; an advantage or resource.”

There are a few things about assets that i’ll like to highlight that drive home some of the things that are on my mind:

1) An asset is an investment that is valuable. Are you valuable? Are you capable of enriching your relationship by the quality of decisions and contributions you give? Do you create solutions or problems and pressures for your spouse? Is your impact felt or you’re just doing the things that are routine? Will your partner miss you seriously if you’re away, no matter for how short a period?

2) An asset appreciates with time. Were you only the ideal wife during the first year of your marriage or first few months of your courtship and have depreciated over the years? Is your worth increasing with time? Are you ensuring that you’re top of the range to your spouse?

3) An asset is a resource. Has your input brought increase to your home or relationship? DO you build up or tear down?

4) An asset is an advantage. Does your relationship with your spouse put him at an advantage? Does it help him in any way?

Men will always be men. They won’t tell women they can do with some help; but they would appreciate us being the extra factor that supports them in achieving their dreams.

So, my dear, be an ASSET; you’ll be amazed how great the returns will be. It is always worth it.

While i was growing up (I still am J), my parents were very active in the rotary club. Both of them had been president at different times. Every year, we had several events; the biggest event being the annual Christmas party. There were lots of gifts to be won and we were made to participate in different games and exercises. I remember one of the exercises was the recitation of the Rotary Club’s 4 way test. It goes thus:

“The 4 way test of the things we think, say and do

1)      Is it the truth?

2)      Is it fair to all concerned?

3)      Will it bring goodwill and better friendship?

4)      Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

I’ll like to address the guys in this article. Seems i’ve been hacking the ladies in my last few articles J.

Have you noticed that shortly before ladies get married, their mothers, aunties and co rise up to give tons of counsel; they tell her to be patient, take everything her husband says and does to her, etc. She’s encouraged to always bend, and be the one to compromise. But there’s a down side to it; there’s a tendency for some guys to feel extremely powerful when they notice that the wife has chosen to submit always.

In the same way, are men counselled on how to deal with their wives? Do they learn how they can be a true head of the home? Do they know what they need to do to make their wives happy? Do they understand the peculiarities of women, most especially their wives? Many men assume that once they can provide, they can do what they please and their wives have no reason to complain. Real men are not who they are because of what they possess, it’s because of who they are.

I’d like men to apply the 4 way test in dealing generally with their wives. Firstly, are you truthful to her? Do you open up to her or you intimidate her with your ‘headship authority’ when she seems to catch you doing something wrong? Secondly, do you deal fairly with her? Do you assist her when she’s under pressure? Are you very demanding? Do you sincerely care about her welfare? Are you quick to blame her for anything that goes wrong? Thirdly, do you do things that improve your friendship or bring goodwill? Do you share your fears and victories with her? Are you naked and not ashamed when with her? Fourthly and finally, do you seek her good and benefit in everything? Are you selfless or selfish in dealing with her? The 4 way test deals with the things we think, say and do. We need to first ‘be’; then we can act/do.

I once heard an illustration by a woman sometime ago. She said a man who has to keep repeating to his wife that he’s the head of the home is not a man. Authority is a function of respect earned; men need to be role models, first in the home, before it extends out.

There’s a commandment God gave to men in marriage. God commands men to LOVE their wives. If a husband loves his wife, she will, more often than not, submit. Love doesn’t diminish a man’s masculinity; a real man practices the 4 way test and doesn’t feel insecure.

So, guys, let’s be real men who can manage our homes with love. Let’s treat the women right, they’re indispensable, and we know that, abi?

Several years ago, it was norm to have the men being the primary/sole provider for the family. The typical/conventional family had the father towing the path of developing a successful career while the woman was at home, taking care of the children, or at best, teaching in a nearby government school where they close at between 1-2pm daily. The situation then had the wives heavily dependent on the husband; it was easy to obey without much questioning. Then, cases of wives attempting suicide were rampant, some developed mental imbalance when they heard of their husbands cheating on them. I was not told, i know a few. Largely, one could say that wives were not independent.  

These days however, the tables have kind of turned in the sense that in almost every profession, both genders are visible – as top executives of multinationals, on boards of organizations, successful entrepreneurs, in politics, etc. Ladies have become really independent and they match up the men in a number of ways.

This independence has created a twist to the issue of submission in the marriage setting. Imagine a woman who has hundreds of men and women reporting to him at work get home and the husband says she needs to apologize for coming late, or he wants her to prepare his favourite meal and do his laundry while attending to the kids before going to bed that same night.

I was gisting with a younger, female friend recently and she said it was unfair for females to change their names to their husband’s names; afterall it wasn’t even done in the bible days! She’s very likely to have regular conflicts with her husband except she decides to submit.

A lady wanted to sell a top to me recently. It looked very much like something in ‘vogue’ and she really wanted me to buy it. I told her i needed to show it to my husband before buying it, cos if he doesn’t like it, i won’t be able to wear it. She was shocked and said, ‘i like this your love o, i wish mine could be like that’. I wondered what she meant and figured she never really cared about her husband’s views on a number of things. When you acknowledge your husband’s place, you win his favour, always.

In my own view, submission is not ‘obey before complain’. It’s the understanding that your husband is your head, your driver or pilot and so it’s in his best interest to seek your good. He wouldn’t want to overspeed or drive wrecklessly; and the wife needs to make him see danger signs, oncoming vehicles, weather changes, etc in a way that shows you’re together, and not making him feel inadequate. There’re no 10 ways to it, wisdom and a lot of maturity is needed to submit.

There’s a truth we need to accept. That is, the husband is the head of the wife; and she’s the neckJ. She’s as vital as he is, but her views need not compete with his. A soft answer always turns away wrath. No guy likes to accept he’s wrong especially when a lady is rubbing it in. It is called EGO, massage it!

Generally, it’s easier to submit for some women than others, but it doesn’t excuse the act of not doing so. I’ve done things my husband told me not to do before, and surprisingly, the outcomes in some of the cases were not favourable, i have friends who have told me the same. It’s tough to submit when you’re the first born female in the family and you were responsible for taking care of your whole clan! But we’re told to, funny enough, that’s the only thing the bible instructs women to do in marriage.

Submission ain’t old skool…..it’s an instruction from God that we need to follow.

This article is dedicated to ladies. I’ll be focusing on the unmarried in this article, by this i mean the single and searching/being sought, and the single, not searching….lol. I was motivated to write this as a result
of a comment posted by Tolu on my last article. He said and i quote:
“very true oo….digressing a little….. this brings a statement that I have heard over and over to mind… ” on the wedding day,the bride is thinking of all the ways she can change the groom, and he is thinking of all the ways he can keep the bride exactly as she is.” Is there any truth to this statement at all?? What do you think lol…….”

Many young ladies when growing up, had the picture of their “ideal/dream man” who they believed one day in the near future, fate or God, will bring their way. The picture of the guy is near perfect, the shortcomings though minimal, will change with time. Did i say “change”? Females believe that when they complain about their boyfriends/fiances for long enough, he’ll be forced to change, either out of shame or warrever….lol. Ladies, Wake up!.

Tolu’s comment mentioned the thoughts that go through the minds of the guy and lady on the wedding day. This confirms again that the lady, as well as the guy were already well aware of some “issues” they didn’t particularly like about each other.

Read this next statement well; “What you’re seeing about the guy you’re going out with now, are his best sides”. Yeah. You read me right. How does that statement help you and what context am i speaking from?
First, i’m not talking about issues that border on values, that must not be compromised. If the person you’re in a relationship with has issues with values (not forthright or truthful and more), RUN!

What i’m addressing are habits (e.g. he’s not neat/tidy, he’s forgetful, he’s got a quick temper, he’s too much of an indoor person while i’m happy go lucky, etc). If you can’t take/accomodate/live with any of the examples i just gave and more at all, and you see signs of them while you’re going out, i advise you to change gear because, 9 out of 10 times, he won’t change; he will even get more relaxed, and it’s not because he doesn’t love you. He’s the head and doesn’t need his wife changing him, abi guys?

I have an uncle who never eats another person’s food apart from his wife’s. She’s almost 70 and still cooks his 3 square meals, she’s in the kitchen 80% of the time. Do you know the implication of this single disposition? Before he retired, she would prepare and pack breakfast and lunch for him everyday without fail; she did that every week day for the 30yrs he worked! (He worked on the island and used to leave the house between 5a.m and 6a.m). Did she not know that before she married him? Of course she did. Did she think he’ll change? I don’t know. But has he changed? NO. If she was the core career woman or she felt she couldn’t cope, she had the option of quitting the relationship while it was still early enough.

So, my ladies, there’s no perfect guy, but you need to know you can’t change your man and know what you can live with. Happy marriages are a result of mutual understanding, communication and the committment to make things work.

This week has been very demanding and thankfully, productive. The week was almost ending and i discovered i had not written a single post, so i decided against all odds to do so. I’ll make this a very brief one.

About two days ago, i was speaking with a guy who had been in a relationship for a few years with a lady and he was telling me that a date had been fixed for the wedding. I replied that it was high time they got married since they had been at it for a while. He said “yes o, i need to be taken care of, abeg.” I smiled and made a mental note of the statement and decided to write something about it.

I began to wonder at the guy’s perspective. I think ladies also get married thinking that they need to be taken care of as well, abi? So what happens when both parties get married with the same mindset? Issues will arise for sure! Of course, if both parties are open to change, the issues won’t last for long.

This article will be a very short one. I’m not faulting the statement made by the guy i wrote about earlier; I just have one or two questions; is it alright for a person to have a bad habit, refuse to work on it, believing that the spouse will do the magic? Is it healthy to be absolutely dependent on your spouse for something and be helpless whenever he/she is not around?

I’ll simply say that anyone going into marriage should do so with the intention to give; and not with the fairy tale mindset that the spouse is complete and without shortcomings, and so can meet all one’s emotional wants and needs at every time. A relationship is more fulfilling and enjoyable when both parties know that they need to give.

Have a fantastic weekend!